Silent Heart
by shakeitsalome
Summary: She knew she should regret every moment of their time together. But when she was in his arms, it was impossible. Sheamus/OC
1. Prologue

How had her life come to this? That was the question that ran rampant in her mind as she walked down the corridor. Her heart was tripping with nervousness even as her body thrummed with excitement. The warring emotions within her almost made her turn back, as they always did. Yet as always she surged forward.

He was waiting for her. She shouldn't have been surprised; he always reached their meeting places before she did. Yet when she opened the door and saw him there, his back to her as he looked out at the city, she wondered how he always got there first. She stood in the doorway, taking in the way his large frame blocked out most of the view. The room was dark except for the city lights coming in through the window.

The fact that he booked a second room under an assumed name didn't bother her. The single room on the second floor of the hotel they were staying at for the night was perfect, though. No one had seen her take the elevator. No one would notice that she wasn't in her room for the time being. They were hidden from the world. Their last meeting had taken place in an empty room at the venue. There had been no time to enjoy the warmth of his embrace, no time to be lulled by the softness of his voice against her ear. Though their times together had been frequent over the past year she could recall each one with razor-sharp detail.

That first night, inhibitions lowered with alcohol. She could still feel the roughness of denim against her thighs. She could still hear the surprise in her own voice when she'd questioned his asking her to his room. Months of seemingly harmless flirting and the occasional lingering look had culminated in a passionate explosion against his door.

There had been only a small amount of guilt in the breathless moments that followed. Then he had kissed her. She hadn't looked back sense.

She closed the door behind her with a gentle _click_. He was already turning around, a smile on his face. That small, tender smile that send the ghosts of worry out of her vision. His arms, which had been folded over his chest, fell to his sides and she was spurred forward. They met halfway and the second his arms wrapped around her she felt all her worries dissipate. The scrape of his facial hair against her cheek sent a shiver down her spine. She grasped at his shirt when their lips met, already stepping out of her shoes.

Time was of the essence. It had been over two weeks since she'd had the pleasure of being intimate with him. His tongue brushed over her lips and she felt her knees grow weak.

He lifted her against him as their tongues dueled for dominance; she gave in when he released a throaty growl. Her back met the mattress and he was over her, their hands scrambling to remove the barriers of clothing. His lips moved to her throat, his breath like molten lava over her skin. Diligent fingers used to the haste of their times together made quick work of buttons and zippers. Her blood roared in her ears as his hands stroked her body, bringing her to a feverish height.

The crinkle of a condom wrapper. The words he always whispered at this moment.

"Are yeh ready love?"

Yes. Her eyes drifted shut, her head fell back, her lips parted in a breathy response. Their bodies joined and she couldn't hold back the soft cry of delight. Trembling fingers slid into his hair. His lips covered hers again.

He was everywhere. Inside her, over her, surrounding her with his warmth, softness and unmasked strength. She yielded to his touch. Submissive to the core when with him, she would have granted him anything. Her fingers clawed at his back, her legs tightened around his waist. Her breathing became little more than ineffectual gasps. His lips slanted over hers and she drank in the taste of him. Tea, mint, his favorite whiskey, and the slightest hint of strawberry ice cream.

"Stephen," she breathed when their lips parted. She tucked her face against his neck, longing to lose herself in him completely. But the ghosts of her life remained, hovering in her peripheral vision. Making it impossible to forget.

"_Le Chéile_." The huskiness of his voice only intensified his Irish brogue. Though she wasn't quite sure of the meaning, she arched upwards, clutching him, and his next whisper sent her over the edge. "Together."

She was barely aware of his final surge; his shout of delight was faraway as she mentally took flight. The metaphorical explosion seemed all too real. He was too much. This was too much. Letting her head fall back, she gave in to the sensations, the ghosts at last floating away. If only for a moment.

He called to her and she opened her eyes, blinking slowly in the soft glow of the lamp. One corner of his mouth tilted up in a smile. He caught her lips in a tender kiss, not breaking away until he had shifted to lie beside her. The thickly muscled arms drew her close and she let her head fall to his chest, her palm resting over the pound of his heart.

"How long did yeh have?" His voice was barely above a whisper.

She could have ignored the question. She had known it was coming and her intense hatred for it didn't diminish as the words broke the spell of their lovemaking. Frowning because she knew he couldn't see her face, she idly traced an hour over his heart as another question rose in her mind. Was it lovemaking? She supposed it could just be sex, but what about the times they just talked? What about the way he always knew what to say to make her feel better? Had she inadvertently fallen in love with him? Wetting her lips, she whispered, "An hour, give or take. He's meeting with Vince."

The bed shifted as he leaned to glance at the clock on the nightstand. "Forty-five minutes left," he murmured.

She nodded. As though they truly had a full hour. All too soon she would have to leave his arms. The coldness would invade again. The ghosts, having returned to the sideline now, would be front and center. And she would fall asleep, dreaming of him. Wishing she could smell him even as she hoped his scent didn't linger on her skin. Praying that they would be together again soon.

Precious moments passed like seconds. Stephen broke the silence again. "Does he suspect?"

"No," she promised after consideration. It was impossible. He was too caught up in his own life, his own problems. She was sure of it and selfishly hoped he would continue to do so, even though she was certain that everything would come crashing down around her soon.

Soon. Four letters that were always in the back of her mind. _I'll be with him soon. I have to leave soon. __He'll be back soon. Soon he'll find out. Soon I'll lose either one or both._

"_Ná caoin._" His hands swept through her hair tilting her head back so he could look into her eyes. "Ah knew yeh were cryin'. Don't cry, love. We'll work everythin' out."

Again she nodded. There was nothing she could say to convince him – or herself – that things would be better. Not when they both knew that everything would become worse before it got better. She didn't resist when his lips found hers again.

The ghosts attempted to shift closer to the center, but with one touch Stephen swept them away. He brought her over him, words she still didn't know rolling off his tongue. This time it was different. There was no hurrying. No rush. Focused only on him, she could forget about the life that awaited her. With his hands stroking her back, his lips trailing down he neck, she could forget everything. Even the ghosts were gone. For now.a

For a few moments. But they would return.

Soon.

A/N: to be continued?


	2. One

1.

Joanna Chambers leaned close to the mirror and meticulously touched up her eyeliner. She brought her head back to check her handiwork and nodded. The bright lights surrounding the reflective surface brought out the shadows beneath her eyes. No amount of foundation would help the paleness of her skin. Heaving a sigh, she shoved the eyeliner pencil back into her makeup bag and stowed it beneath the table.

Another sleepless night. Another morning that she'd had to force herself to get out of bed. Another day that had her longing for a strong pair of arms to hold her.

"Yeh shouldn't frown like that, Miss Chambers. You'll get wrinkles."

The familiar brogue was like warm brandy on a cold night. The words, though spoken in jest, washed over her, soothing her and she met his eyes in the mirror. Despite the smile on his face there was worry in his eyes. Joanna forced a smile, knowing by the way his brow furrowed that it wasn't as bright as she hoped. "I'm alright. Just lost in thought," she murmured. She glanced sideways at her co-workers, who were fussing over a new set of rollers that had come in that morning. They were paying no attention to her. It was almost as though everyone knew Stephen preferred she work on him. "The usual?"

"Yeh know me too well," he answered, moving to sit in the chair. "D'yeh mind giving it a little trim?"

"Not at all." She gathered her supplies, glancing at the other women every few moments as she set to work. When he moved to sit down she caught the aroma of his preferred soap. Fastening the drape around Stephen's neck, she recalled the first time he had sat in her chair.

* * *

_"I think I can handle it meself, lass."_

_Joanna stepped back and stared in awe at the pale-skinned Irishman. His red hair nearly glowed in the bright lights. She could only look on as he added a liberal amount of gel to the ginger locks, creating a spiked 'do that defied gravity. When he finished he wiped his hands on a towel and offered her a grin._

_"Hope I wasn't too rude there, Miss...?"_

_"It's just Joanna," she promised with a laugh._

_"Pleased t'meet yeh. I go by Sheamus, but yeh can call me Stephen." He took her hand, pressed his lips to her knuckles._

_"Are you nervous?"_

_"Not a bit. Looking forward to me debut. I hope I don't blind the viewers." He indicated his pale chest._

_"I'm sure you won't. I think you'll stand out, but in a good way." Joanna refastened the cap on the gel and set it back in place on the table. "Good luck, Stephen."_

_"I don't need it, Joanna." He fussed with his hair for a moment longer, then he was gone._

* * *

"Yer lost in yer thoughts again," Stephen murmured, pulling her from her reverie.

"Sorry," she whispered, dragging the comb gently through his damp hair. "Just trying to get over the fact that I've been doing your hair for almost three years now."

"Is that all?" Without looking she knew he had a smile on his face. "Feels like yeh've been doin' it longer."

A smile pulled at her lips. She knew his hair so well. The way it lay when there was no gel holding it in its iconic spike. The softness of it between her fingers as they... She forced the mental image away. Managing a businesslike demeanor, she worked the scissors in his hair. Just a trim. She hated the thought of taking more than a quarter of an inch from his head.

She had just finished and was reaching for the clippers to neaten up his neck when she heard the accented voice of Wade Barrett. Instinctively her heart stuttered and she cast him a quick glance. It had been a month. She was still afraid that he would let slip what he had witnessed.

* * *

_"I've only got a few minutes." Stephen's voice was barely a whisper as his lips crashed over hers. With one hand at her waist he held her up against the wall of the empty makeup room. The others had left already to watch the show on the monitors backstage. With only twenty minutes left in the show, everything was packed up._

_Joanna had claimed a headache, praying at the time that he would seek her out. And he had. Her back had met the wall before the door swung shut. She longed to plunge her fingers in his hair but resisted. He was about to go out for a match and had to look his best. "I miss you," she breathed before his lips covered hers in an intense kiss._

_His tongue had barely swept over hers when the door was flung open. "Oi, Chambers, are you in here? I need some – Oh."_

_Ice water had been injected into her veins. She froze completely, hands falling from Stephen's chest as the intruder stared at them._

_"Fuck," Stephen sighed. He released her, letting her slide to the floor, and caught her by the arm to keep her from sinking further._

_Joanna's heart pounded in her chest. Unable to look to the Englishman, she stared at her shoes. He was a good friend of... He would tell. Despite his swaggering and closeness with Stephen, he was honorable. He would be the one that would Her mind screamed – stupid, stupid, stupid! After a year of being able to hide what was going on, it was all about to come crashing down. All because she was stupid and reckless and—_

_"Sorry to disturb you. I just needed to borrow some gel; I've run out."_

_His tone was brisk. Cool. Businesslike. Her legs trembled as she crossed to her packed case, digging out a tube of hair gel for him. Still unable to meet his searching gaze, she handed it over without a word. He turned to Stephen._

_"We need to talk."_

_"Aye, we do."_

* * *

She patted Stephen's shoulder and removed the drape, her other hand patting his spiked locks into place. "All done," she murmured. Then, forcing a smile, she added, "Good luck out there."

"Thank yeh." He waited until she was between him and the table before lightly touching her bare arm. His blue-gray eyes were pleading when she glanced back at him. "I trust him," he whispered as Wade spoke with Melinda, the head of hair and makeup. "He won't breathe a word."

She wished she could be as sure of that as he was. But she nodded, pulling her arm free as more superstars began to enter the room. The frantic rush before a taping was about to begin. "See you later," she told him in a normal tone of voice.

"I hope," he whispered. 'Call you' he mouthed before standing. He towered over her, every inch a dominating figure. If she didn't know him so well she would be afraid of him. But she had learned over the past three years that he was the polar opposite of the raging Celtic Warrior that he became in the ring.

Her eyes followed him as he left the room. When he crossed the threshold he took all the brightness with him.

One year. One year of sneaking around. One year of little white lies. One year of being a... A...

She didn't want to think the word.

As she sat on the large bed, she scrolled through the calendar on her smartphone. The next day would be exactly one year. Should she acknowledge it to him? How would she even do that? She doubted a text – _One year ago I became a cheating whore_ – would be kosher.

Best to act as though it were just another day. As the decision was made her phone vibrated with an incoming text. Opening it, she felt her heart flutter at the words, a genuine smile pulling at her lips.

_I hope you can see me tomorrow. Miss you. - S._

She heard the bathroom door open and hastily closed the message. Silencing the phone completely, she pushed it onto the nightstand. The room glowed with the light from the bathroom as she slid down in the bed, tucking her head on the pillow.

"Are you asleep?" he asked softly, switching out the light. The room was bathed in darkness again. She heard his steady steps across to the bed, then felt the dip of the mattress as he slid in behind her. His hand slid over her arm, his lips brushed her shoulder.

"I'm awake," she promised. She shifted onto her opposite side, eyes closing when his fingers swept over her cheek. "Hey."

"Hey yourself. How was your night? I thought you were going to wait for me." He leaned back to switch on the lamp.

Joanna blinked in the sudden brightness and found herself looking into a pair of bright blue eyes. If she searched them long enough she could find a spark, a reason to feel guilty. But she lacked the energy to do so. "I had a headache," she explained. It wasn't a lie. Despite everything she tried not to lie too much. _What counts as too much?_ "I got a ride with Bryan."

"You feel better?" he murmured. His lips brushed her forehead before he settled back against his pillow.

The lack of concern in his tone made her heart ache. When had they become _that_ couple? She had asked herself the question for months but had been unable to pinpoint a particular time. It had been a subtle change from the couple that others referred to as "cute" and "perfect" to what they were now. Two people going through the motions.

"Yeah," she promised in answer to his question. His hand found hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. "How was your match?"

"Pretty good. I landed wrong and thought I'd twisted my ankle but I didn't."

She nodded, letting her eyes close as the silence stretched between them. She hated these moments that made her feel they were strangers. They could have been mere acquaintances chatting over coffee, not the couple that had been together for nearly four years. The warmth of his hand left and she opened her eyes to see him sitting up.

His sculpted chest was sprinkled with random droplets of water that his towel had missed. There was a slight five o'clock shadow darkening his usually clean-shaven face, making him appear older. The thick novel he'd been reading for the past week was pulled into his lap and she suppressed a sigh.

"I'm just gonna read for a little while. The light's not bothering you is it?" he inquired, already turning to his marked place.

"No, it's fine."

"You better get some sleep. Long drive tomorrow." He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips before sitting back and turning a page. "Night."

"Night," she whispered, rolling over in an attempt to be comfortable. Bringing the covers up to her chest, she idly traced the generic pattern of roses on the quilt. The silence was deafening, broken occasionally by the rasp of his finger against a page of the book. Unable to bear the silence anymore, she ventured, "...Honey?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever feel like..." Joanna hesitated, her gaze landing on her phone. "Like we've gotten boring?"

"What do you mean?"

She heard the thump of his book closing and rolled into a seated position, facing him. Looking into the eyes she thought she knew as well as her own, she inhaled slowly. "It's just... It's the same old, same old. We drive to the next city, we check into the hotel, we go to the venue. We work, we go back to the hotel, we sleep. And we used to do so much more. Sightseeing, shopping, clubbing... What happened?" she whispered.

"We went shopping yesterday," he reminded her. One corner of his mouth lifted in a show of confusion.

_Because you needed new underwear_, she thought. She would have pointed it out aloud but it was late and she was too tired to start an argument. "But the other stuff... Remember the time we had two days off and we just hit the road? We drove until we ran out of gas and ended up in this little town in the middle of nowhere... Why don't we do things like that now?"

"Because we ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere. And you ended up with food poisoning from that stupid bed and breakfast."

"I got food poisoning from that shady convenience store," she sighed.

"What are you saying, Joanna?" he asked, tossing his book aside. "Are you unhappy?"

"No, I'm not unhappy." As crazy as it sounded to her, she wasn't completely unhappy. There were moments of light in her life. "I'm..." She searched for the right words. Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as he moved one hand in a circle to hurry her along. She knew then that even a dictionary and thesaurus wouldn't make him understand. "I guess I'm just moody and depressed. That time of the month." Even as she prayed that he wouldn't point out her time of the month wasn't due for another week at least she knew he never would. He didn't keep track of such things. "I'm sorry, honey. Just forget what I said."

"Don't scare me like that," he sighed. He reached for her. The resulting embrace lacked something. "We'll be okay, baby." His lips smudged her cheek and then he was pulling away.

The book was picked up and reopened before she let go of him. She looked on as he lost himself in the fictional world and felt as though she had been replaced. Turning away again she stretched out. She toyed with a lock of her hair, eying the phone on the nightstand. Finally she picked it up and brought up the message she had received a few moments before. She read the words again before replying.

_Miss you too. I'll be free after lunch for a few hours. Call me._

His reply was so swift she was startled. Had he been waiting for her message? Just the idea caused her heart to twist. The man in bed with her could barely be bothered, whereas the man she should never have looked at twice hurried to answer her text.

_I will. Sweet dreams love. - S._

_Love_. A pet name that probably didn't mean half as much to him as it did to her. But it made her smile just the same. She powered down her phone and tossed it onto the nightstand. Eyes closed, she was almost asleep when her longtime boyfriend spoke.

"I love you, Joanna." It was barely a whisper.

His hand on her arm. His fingers sweeping over her skin until they met hers. She bit down hard on her bottom lip at the paltry squeeze he offered before his hand slid away. The light switched off, the mattress shifted as he moved around to get comfortable.

"I love you too," she whispered.

**A/N : Oh. My. Gosh. You guys are just made of awesome. The "to be continued?" question was rhetorical – Of course I'll be continuing this. :) Thank you all so much for the reviews. Hope you've enjoyed. - Josie**


	3. Two

2.

"You look like death warmed over."

Had the statement not been true, Joanna would have been insulted. Instead, she pulled the knit cap lower over her head and mumbled into her steaming cup of coffee. It was weak, bitter, and the bar in the hotel lobby hadn't had any cream. She vowed to stop at the first coffee shop she came to and buy a real cup of her fuel. Pushing the driver's door of the rental car open, she poured the slop out and tossed the Styrofoam cup onto the back seat floorboard.

"Didn't you get enough sleep last night?" Cody asked from the passenger seat. He glanced up from his phone as Joanna buckled her seat belt. "I thought you were asleep before I turned out the light."

"I kept waking up," she explained. Grouchy over bad coffee and only a stale muffin for breakfast, not to mention a lack of sleep, she yanked the steering wheel down and looked over at her boyfriend. "The light kept waking me up."

"Oh. I was getting to the good stuff, I couldn't put it down." He fiddled with the controls of his seat as the air blowing through the vents grew warmer. "You should read it when I finish. I think you'll like it."

"Sure." Joanna put the car in gear and maneuvered to the exit of the parking lot. "I'm going to stop for coffee as soon as I can. Do you want any?"

"Maybe some hot tea. Switch in about two hours?"

She nodded in agreement. It was a five hour drive to the next city. She wasn't upset about being first behind the wheel; they had begun alternating driving duties more than a year ago. She wasn't even upset about him staying up late to read. In all honesty she couldn't think of why she felt so grouchy. She'd had bad coffee before. She'd even had to deal with a stale muffin here and there. What was it, then?

Cody toyed with the GPS, pointing out three coffee shops within a mile of the hotel. Joanna chose one that was on the way to the interstate. She left him in the car when she went inside. The bitterly cold air outside encouraged her to walk swiftly. Once through the doors she breathed a sigh of relief. The thick aroma of coffee enveloped her, leading her to the line at the counter. Her gaze drifted to the menu.

When she reached the counter she began digging in the pocket of her jeans for cash. She rattled off her order, making sure to include Cody's requested hot tea. When the large cup with its paper sleeve was handed over she sighed in delight. Dropping a tip in the jar she moved over to add her required sugar and cream. Cody's tea to the side, she stirred her coffee and took a slow sip, eyes closing as the warmth spread through her.

"Joanna?"

Her eyes snapped open. Her lips parted in surprise upon seeing him beside her. A cup of steaming coffee nearly disappeared in his large palm. "Stephen," she murmured. "What are you... Hi."

"Good morning," he greeted. His blue-gray eyes swept their immediate area.

"He's in the car," she whispered, knowing the object of his search. "I just stopped for this. The coffee at the hotel was—"

"Tar," he finished with a quick smile. He stepped closer, reaching past her for packets of sugar. "Yeh look exhausted love."

"I couldn't sleep very well." She avoided his curious gaze and focused on affixing the plastic cap to her cup. His bicep brushed her shoulder as he selected his sugar, then his hand briefly rested on her arm. He gave a gentle squeeze. "I'll be alright, Stephen. Day off tomorrow so I can sleep all day."

"I hope so. I don't like seeing yeh like this."

They stood side by side; he preparing his coffee, she adding sugar to Cody's tea. "Are you riding with Drew and Wade?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, they're in line." He glanced over his shoulder, then his hand cupped the back of her neck. The gentle movement of his fingers soothed the ache she hadn't known she had. "I'll call yeh after lunch, right?"

"Yes. We should get there a little after eleven."

"I'm going to make sure yeh get some sleep," he muttered as they were joined by his traveling companions.

Joanna lamented the loss of his hand on her neck. Pasting a bright smile on her face, she greeted them. The Scotsman mumbled sleepily as he prepared his drink then was gone, leaving her between Stephen and Wade. Realizing that Cody's tea had been stirred enough she put the lid on and hesitated.

"See you in the car, mate," Wade told Stephen.

She finally looked up and met his gaze for the first time in two weeks. Surprised at the lack of judgment in them, she felt a bit of relief. Perhaps he wouldn't tell Cody after all.

"See you later, Joanna. Drive safe." With a nod of his head, he headed out.

Joanna breathed out a sigh and lifted her cups. Turning to Stephen, she gasped at the sudden feel of his lips over hers. It was such a brief kiss she barely tasted his lips. She regretted the haste but understood. "Be careful," she whispered.

"Yeh too." His eyes searched hers. "I'll see yeh after lunch, love."

He watched her leave the coffee shop, wishing she were about to climb into his vehicle. But of course, that could not be. One day. _Never._ He pushed away the negative thought and gripped his coffee as he left the building.

When he climbed into the car Drew was already asleep in the backseat. His head was lolled back, mouth open, a gentle snore rattling from his throat. Stephen looked to his friend in the passenger seat and shook his head. It never failed. Drew could have slept for twelve hours and still fallen asleep as soon as he climbed into the car.

They were on the interstate when the man at his side broke the silence. "I've kept my mouth shut until now, but do you think that was wise?"

He didn't have to ask what 'that' was. He should have known that Wade had been watching. "It was just a quick kiss. No one saw... Except you apparently."

"Yeah I saw it." Wade shook his head in...disgust? "Why are you still messing with Cody's girl, fella?"

A glimmer of a smile touched Stephen's lips. "It's not messing. I... I think I love her."

That had his friend sitting up straight. "What now? You love a woman who's in a relationship with someone else?"

When put that way, it sounded absurd. "I said I think I do. And obviously she's not in love with him. If she was, would she have come to me?"

"I know she's willing, but that doesn't make it right. Why is she pulling you two along?"

"I don't know, yeh'd have to ask her." Stephen never had. He kept hoping that one day she would tell him. Yet at the same time he knew without asking. "She's not happy with him."

"I just don't want you to get hurt lad. Just... Be careful or it'll get real ugly."

"I'll be careful." Stephen thought back to when his friend had come upon. A moment of weakness that had resulted in being found. The palpable fear that after so long of hiding they would be exposed. The relief upon realizing that the man would breathe not a word. Then the hours afterward with no reply to his messages. The terrifying worry that she was putting an end to them. But she hadn't.

In the backseat Drew continued to snore. The miles flew by and Wade put on some music. Upbeat, lively rock music filled the car but Stephen couldn't ease the heaviness within him.

"I kind of lied to you when you asked me a couple weeks ago," he announced as they crossed into the next state. A glance to Wade showed a curious lift of an eyebrow. "About how long it's been going on. It's been a little longer than a month or so."

"How long, Ste?" Wade sighed. He obviously feared the worst.

"Today makes it a year." A year. His longest relationship since moving to America. And no one could know.

"A year? A damn year?"

"Yes, a damn year. And you're the only one that knows." Stephen glanced into the backseat to see Drew was still sleeping. He'd slouched down, long legs folded so his body could fit onto the seat. Returning his gaze to the road, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "Please don't – never mind, I know you won't say anything to anyone."

"I won't." A long moment of silence followed Wade's promise. Stephen didn't break it, knowing there was more to come."But that doesn't mean I condone what you're doing."

"What, no advice from the English Casanova?" he snorted.

A half-hearted chuckle. "I'd give plenty if she wasn't attached."

"If she wasn't attached I wouldn't need it."

The miles continued to sweep by. Stephen wondered if the speed with which they passed were a metaphor for his relationship with Joanna. Quickly the car neared the halfway mark. Was he approaching the end with her? How much longer could they keep their secret? The man next to him knew, there was no telling when others would learn as well.

_I... I think I love her._

There was no thinking to it. He did love her. The words had never passed his lips in her presence but there was no denying the emotion. He knew some would argue that if he loved her he wouldn't let her do to Cody what she was, but by the time he'd realized he loved her it was too late. They were too enmeshed in the affair – he cringed at the thought of the word – for him to turn back now.

They stopped to refill the car in a small town. Drew climbed out and shuffled into the building in search of a restroom. Wade leaned against the car, eyes on the digital display.

"Yeh've spent more time with him than I have." He didn't have to say the name. They both knew. "Does he talk about her?"

The Englishman heaved a deep sigh. Stephen regretted putting him in this position; it wasn't fair to ask him such things.

"Not as much as he used to. When he does it's always nonchalant. Like he's going through the motions."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"You're smart, Ste." Wade jammed the nozzle back on the pump. "It shouldn't be hard for you to figure out."

"She doesn't talk about him. Not when we're alone, at least. I've watched them, but it's..." Stephen shrugged, hands deep in his pockets to ward off the cold. Neither of them made a move to go inside; instead they stood beneath the canopy, both looking down at the stained cement.

"You do know that everyone thought they should be together, right? You've been around here longer than me, mate, you should know that."

"I try not to listen to gossip."

"They've grown comfortable. Like any couple, Ste. After a few years the feelings go away but you stay together because you don't know anything else."

"I'd like to think that if she had any sort of feelings for him she wouldn't have looked twice at my arse."

Wade sighed, his breath coming out in a huge cloud that floated upwards before dissipating. "They were there, Ste. Even I saw them. Cody used to sound so ecstatic when he talked about her. It just faded. And what if they come back?"

With a grunt, Stephen turned to get into the car. Drew returned, climbing once more into the backseat. As Wade climbed behind the wheel it became obvious that their friend in the back wasn't going back to sleep.

Instead, the Scotsman launched into conversation about a movie he'd seen the night before. Stephen was grateful for the topic change. It gave him a chance to push away the dark feelings that kept creeping into his mind. As they covered distance Drew's voice faded. Stephen's attention was on the passing scenery when one statement drew him back into the conversation.

"Ya heard about Rhodes, right?"

"Heard what?" Stephen asked with a glance at Wade. His friend kept his gaze firmly on the road looking as though he hadn't heard the comment.

"Some of the guys were talking in the locker room the other night. Word is he's about to pop the question. Ya know, he's been dating that Joanne girl for years."

"Joanna," Stephen corrected.

"Right. They've been together for fucking years, though. I guess it's about time."

Stephen felt his hopes deflate as quickly as a popped balloon. He tried to come up with an innocuous comment but found himself unable to speak. Feeling sick to the stomach, he kept quiet. His gaze moved to Wade, who was still silent and the sick feeling increased.

He'd known.

* * *

"This is a rarity," Joanna whispered as Stephen closed the door. Chilled after her lunch, she had changed into her favorite pajamas. The cozy pink flannel with rubber duck was possibly the furthest thing from sexy she owned, but she knew Stephen wouldn't mind. The slippers on her feet whispered across the carpet. She smiled upon seeing his open bags on the spare bed. His things littering the top of the dresser. Though he had only been in the room for little over an hour, it already smelled of him. Being in the room he would sleep in was indeed a rarity. Between having to share with others and the fear of being seen she had grown accustomed to seeing him in out-of-the-way places. Sometimes she toyed with the idea of asking him to her room but that was an impossibility.

"Nobody's on this end of the floor. And with the stairs right there, I thought..."His voice trailed into nothingness and when she turned to look at him she saw his quick shrug. "Yeh don't mind, do yeh?"

"Not at all," she promised, crawling onto the bed and settling against the pile of pillows at the headboard. She tossed her phone onto the nightstand, assured it wouldn't ring anytime soon. She had set an alarm to go off when she needed to return to her room downstairs. Four hours. She had four hours with him. Watching him cross the room, she smiled when he joined her. Instead of lying beside her he crawled over her, lips descending over hers in a gentle kiss.

His lips parted over hers, beckoning her, and she sank into the kiss, savoring the flavor of his toothpaste. Until him she had never kissed a man so keen on dental hygiene. She welcomed the brunt of his weight over her. She likened his presence to a shield; nothing could get through him. When the kiss broke she looked into his eyes, following him as he settled on his back. Her fingers crept through his hair before moving to rest on his neck.

"Get some rest, love," he murmured. His arm slid around her to pull her close to his side. Fingers that were always so gentle smoothed her hair as her head settled on his chest. The gentle thrum of his heartbeat soothed her.

Tucking herself closer to him, she let her eyes close.

When she awoke she was momentarily disoriented. She shuffled into full consciousness and smiled at the feel of Stephen's arm still around her. She couldn't put a finger on what had awakened her. A door slamming down the hall, perhaps a sigh from his lips. With no idea of how much time had passed, she worried that her phone would start to blare the alarm at any second.

"Yeh didn't sleep long."

Relief swept through her. She shifted her head so she could meet his eyes. "I feel like I slept for hours," she murmured. It was true; she felt more rested than she had in ages.

"Just about an hour. Yeh get tomorrow off right?"

"Right." She saw his eyes brighten.

"I'm off, too." The brightness fled. "He'll want yeh to go with him, I suppose."

"He's going with Ted and Randy to the next town after the show tonight," she murmured. "Something about seeing an old friend." She didn't dare to give in to hope. Not yet.

The hand on her shoulder squeezed then moved to smooth her hair from her face. His fingers cupped her chin and her head tilted back. "I got yeh something."

"What?" Joanna was certain she'd heard wrong. In the year of their...whatever it was, he'd never bought her more than inconsequential items. Things she wouldn't have to explain. "You bought something? For me?"

His grin was quick, but not as quick as the kiss he gave before sliding out of the bed. "Yeh make me sound like a miser. It's just a little thing, nothing to get too excited about love."

She didn't dare mention that _he_ hadn't bought her anything in ages. The usual roses and chocolate for Valentine's Day, yes, but nothing spontaneous. Just because. Lying on the bed she looked at the ceiling, smiling at the crinkle of plastic. Flowers? It had been over two years since anyone had bought her flowers, aside from the prerequisite roses. Back then, in the beginning, she had teased that _he_ owned a florist's shop.

But when Stephen returned he wasn't carrying a bouquet. In fact, at first, she thought it strange that he held nothing. She sat up, folding her legs in front of her. A gasp pulled from her throat when his hand opened and she saw the necklace. The small pendant swung from his fingers like a pendulum as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Stephen," she breathed as she took in the emeralds arranged in the shape of a shamrock. She knew he eschewed Irish stereotypes in the ring but was immensely proud of his heritage when he was no longer Sheamus. When he was just Stephen. The pendant landed on her palm and she brushed her fingers over the fine gold chain. "It's beautiful."

"I wish I could buy yeh more," he murmured as she watched the light dance on the deep green gems. She knew he wasn't insinuating he was too poor to purchase things for her. "Yeh deserve the world."

She clutched the pendant in her fist as she wrapped her arms around him. A feeling of dread settled in her heart; tears burned her eyes. Pressing her face to his shoulder, she knew she didn't deserve him.

She didn't deserve anything.

**A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, alerts, favorites, etc. A very special thank you to my girl (GURL) Amber for her help in this chapter. *blows kisses* Hope you've enjoyed! ~ Josie**


	4. Three

3.

The door of the locker room had barely closed behind Drew when he turned to glare at Stu. "Why didn't yeh tell me?"

"Well hello, old pal. Don't mind the intrusion, I just wanted to grill you on your knowledge of a possible upcoming engagement. It's important to me, you know, since I'm currently having an affair with the lady in question. But if you're busy, I can come back at a later time."

Stephen rolled his eyes at the droll tone his friend used. "Are yeh finished?"

Stu looked down at his half-laced boots. "Not quite."

"Stu—"

"Ste, you made your bed. And I was going to tell you, then you spouted off all that nonsense about being in love." The Englishman bent over to finish lacing his boots. "Besides, how do you know she'll say yes?"

He didn't. With no subtle way of steering their conversation in that direction, he'd let Joanna leave with that question unanswered. That and a million others. Questions he had managed to keep at bay for months. At first they had been mere whispers in the back of his mind; they'd begun that first night.

* * *

_The music pounding through the speakers barely met the pounding of his heart. Alcohol had loosened his inhibitions when it came to dancing. The feel of her body pressed to his threatened to crumble the restraints he had placed on himself months before. He felt the beat change and breathed a sigh of relief as a slower song began. His arm looped around her waist – a dangerous move, if the heat in his belly was any indication – and drew her even closer. He ducked his head so he could speak in her ear. "I don't normally dance."_

_"I sensed that as soon as we got out on the floor." She tilted her head back, the tips of her hair tickling the hand he kept on the small of her back. "For a man so graceful in the ring, you can't dance for shit, Stephen."_

_"I never said I was a dancer," he reminded with a laugh._

_Her smile was infectious. Her hands were on his chest. Their bodies rocked in time to the song playing; she seemed to move closer with each beat. The couples around them seemed to fade into the dark as her hands slid up to his neck. Her tongue swiped over her bottom lip and he knew he was lost._

_He turned, pushing her against the wall. His lips crashed over hers. She didn't pull away. If anything, she leaned closer. The tips of her fingers slid into the close-cropped hair at the back of his head, sending a shiver down his spine as he tasted her tongue. The tongue that always danced over her lips. Yet now it was dancing with his._

_Her fingernails scraped his scalp and he broke the kiss, staring into her glazed eyes. "Come to the hotel with me," he breathed._

_"What?" she murmured._

_Had he said it out loud? He hadn't meant to. A swirling bright green light passed over her face. Was he dreaming the hopefulness in her eyes? He wet his lips and repeated the request._

_She blinked; the glaze left her eyes. It was replaced by a clarity that he felt could see down to his soul. "Yes."_

_He had no idea how they managed to slip out unnoticed. What should have been a short walk to the hotel was lengthened by frequent stops filled with lingering kisses. By the time they reached the door of his room his breathing was uneven. Brain foggy with desire he ushered her inside. His lips found hers in a searching kiss. Her hands pulled at his coat; her lips yielded to his._

_Her hands framed his face when he lifted her up against the door. Frantic now, he stroked her through the jeans she wore. Between them, they managed to work them down past her hips. Her fingers lowered his zipper and he reached the point of no return._

_It was over with embarrassingly fast. Half-dressed, panting, he pressed his forehead to hers. Her eyes were closed, hands still clutching his shoulders. The gentle swell of her breasts brushed against his chest with each breath she took. Her lips, swollen from his impassioned kisses, were parted and damp. Unable to resist he caught them in another kiss, one hand leaving her hip to cup her cheek._

_First question: Will I regret this in the morning?_

* * *

He hadn't. He had thought it would be a one-time thing. She would chalk it up as a drunken mistake, and he would keep an eye out for a jealous boyfriend. And they both would regret it.

Instead he had found himself tumbling into an unexpected affair.

The questions multiplied with each day that passed. Now, on the cusp of a year since they'd begun, he had more questions than answers.

_Why does she stay? Why aren't I strong enough to stop this? What if he finds out? How long can I pretend to be satisfied as the 'other man' in her life?_

The whys, what ifs, hows, whens... They plagued him. Except when he was with her. For whatever reason, having her in his arms or even in the same room was enough to keep the questions at bay.

"Ste."

He ran a hand down his face as the familiar voice broke him from his reverie. Heaving a sigh, he moved to get ready for his match. "I just want her to be happy," he said after a moment when he noticed that Stu was waiting for him to speak.

"Then you have to do what you think is best. Whether it's continuing this... Or letting her go."

"If it were you, what would yeh do? I know, yer not 'bloody stupid enough' to get in this sort of situation. But if it happened and yeh fell in love, how would yeh handle it?"

"I don't know, Ste. I hope like hell I'm never in your position. I've seen how it's eating at you." He pulled his shirt on and reached for his wrist tape. "Even before I knew about this, I was aware something was wrong. But really, just do what you feel is best. If it all blows up in your face, well, maybe you deserve it. Personally I'd give her an ultimatum. Make her choose."

_What if she chooses him?_

"I can't make her leave him. If she wanted to leave she'd have left by now, right?"

"Then why stick around?"

"Because crazy as it sounds, I do love her. Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking eejit. If she did leave him for me, how would I know for sure she wouldn't cheat on me, too? But if I just let her go I'd be miserable." Stephen glanced up when the door opened to admit a group. Seeing Cody among them, he felt his gut twist and looked to Stu before changing into his gear.

More questions. Still no answers.

"Have you asked her yet, man?"

This from DiBiase, who Stephen knew Joanna thought of as a friend. He tuned his ears into their conversation.

"Nah," Cody answered. "Waiting for the right moment. She was bitching last night about how we've gotten boring or some shit. So if I ask right now she might think I'm trying to shut her up."

Stephen remained a composed exterior as he listened. Adjusting his knee pads he glanced up when Ted laughed.

"Diamonds are supposed to shut her up. But seriously, are you sure you should? After all, you're—"

Someone behind Stephen dropped his heavy bag, drowning out Ted's next words. He glanced to Stu but found his friend had already left.

"Come on. If she's not working she's asleep, or trying to. Trust me, she doesn't have a clue." Cody laughed when Ted rolled his eyes. "Look, it's not like it means anything. It's just sex."

"It's gonna bite you in the ass regardless."

"Not if she doesn't find out. Which she won't. Right?"

Stephen looked up in time to see a look of discontent flash over Ted's face. The man shook his head, turning his back to Cody.

"Right."

* * *

Joanna hummed softly as she worked on Cody's hair. Well-rested for the first time in what felt like months, she was looking forward to a day off. No plans had been made but she had a feeling it would be a good day. Most of all she looked forward to catching up on sleep.

"You look better," Cody commented. "Did you finally get some sleep?"

Her fingers stilled in his locks and she looked up to meet his gaze in the mirror. He'd noticed? "I managed a couple hours this afternoon," she answered with a quick smile before reaching for a comb. Moving to stand in front of him, she froze when he reached for her. At first she thought he was going to pull her down for a kiss but instead his fingers brushed over the shamrock pendant that rested at her breastbone.

"This is new isn't it?"

Her breath caught in her throat. "Yeah, I got it today." _Please don't ask, please don't ask, please—_

"You did some shopping?" Before she could answer, he smiled and leaned up to catch her lips in a quick kiss. "I like it. It's nice." His fingers swept over her throat. "It matches your eyes."

_"Yeh should wear emeralds all the time. They match yer eyes."_

She shook her head to clear the memory of Stephen's voice and looked to Cody.

He was on his feet already, checking his appearance in the mirror. "What are you doing after the show?"

"What I always do after a show." she dropped the comb in a jar on the table and tapped his arm so he'd step to the side. "Pack up my stuff and go back to the hotel."

"What about tomorrow?" he asked, not moving. He leaned against the edge of the table, seemingly immune to the fact that she had a job to do. "Sleep?"

"Yes," she sighed. She mentally pictured herself lying in the large bed, covers pulled up to her chin, cozy and warm in her favorite flannel pajamas. She would put classical music on her iPod and not have to worry about anyone disturbing her. If the mood struck she would order up hot tea and drink it in bed, perhaps while watching an old black-and-white movie.

She already felt more relaxed.

"It's going to be hard, hanging out with the guys while I'm picturing you lying in bed." His voice was a whisper as his hand slid to her waist. "I could always ditch them and stay in bed with you."

"Because I just ooze sex appeal when I'm asleep," she snorted. "Sleep, remember? I need to catch up on sleep."

"You can catch up on sleep in between us catching up on sex," he murmured. He raised an eyebrow. "Unless it's like... You know."

The man couldn't even say the word 'period.' She recalled the one time she'd asked him if he would stop at a drugstore and buy tampons for her one after a house show. From his reaction, one would have thought she'd requested he commit murder. And she knew she could always use her cycle as an excuse; he never kept track, he never asked questions. But she shook her head as she rested a hand on his chest. "I'll be even more exhausted if that happens, and you know it."

"Next day you have off, I'm playing hooky so we can be together," he promised with a sigh.

"Sounds like a plan," she murmured, leaning up to meet his kiss. "Now get out of here so I can get to work."

As he sauntered away she wondered how little time she had before he would return.

Then she realized how far she'd fallen.

* * *

A/N: Oopsie, time got away from me! If you read my tumblr you know I've had a bat-crap crazy week. Hopefully things will settle down now. *crosses fingers*

Thank you all so much for the reviews! Love to you all – and a special tip of the hat to my lovely Amber for helping me out with parts of this. She's seriously the best. (Go ahead and preen, gurl!)


	5. Four

4.

"This is nice."

Their day had begun with a shared breakfast at the nearby Waffle House, where Stephen had shocked the waitress with the amount of food he'd ordered. From there they had gone back to the hotel, splitting in the lobby before meeting in her room. After a five hour nap Joanna was refreshed. Her shower had increased the feeling of relaxation, and when she had requested they go out and do something, he'd obliged.

They were now watching clouds roll into the city from a gazebo tucked in a shady corner of the local park. No one took notice of them. The few people that went by were mothers pushing their babies in strollers or holding the hands of their rambunctious toddlers.

"We should probably head back," he murmured in her ear.

"You're not scared of a little rain, are you?" she challenged with a smile. His laugh was a low rumble in his throat and he drew her closer. He didn't speak, instead pressing his lips to her temple as she settled back in his arms. It occurred to her that he'd been rather quiet since they had left the hotel to go to the park. She turned in his arms, grunting as she shifted position on the bench. "You're being a bit broody today... Is everything okay?"

"Just thinking, love," he answered, a hand raising to sweep back a lock of hair that had fallen from the sloppy bun she'd created at the nape of her neck.

"Can I ask what about?" she ventured after a moment. It wasn't like him to be so quiet, especially when they were alone. Sometimes it was as though he held the majority of his thoughts inside so he could discuss them with her.

His thumb stroked her cheek before his hand slid to cup the back of her neck. The soft blue-gray eyes she knew so well softened and he sighed. "...Us."

_Us_. There had been countless times over the past year when she'd wished she'd met him first. Lonely nights when she had longed for the chance to go back and wait for him. "Care to elaborate a little bit more?"

She didn't like the way he looked away. And when he pulled his arms from her she felt her heart twist with anxiety. _Is he about to end this?_

Stephen turned on the seat and a sigh rounded his shoulders. "Where are we going, Joanna?" he asked softly. She moved closer, placing a hand on his arm and almost immediately it was framed between his, enclosed in the gentle warmth that she had come to expect from him. Except there was a tension in his grasp that was unfamiliar.

"Where do you want us to go?" she ventured. He glanced at her and she bit her lip.

"You go first," he whispered.

She sighed. "I don't know. I'd love to be able to say that we're heading for some wonderful relationship that puts all others to shame. Because that's what I want, and it's what I know I could have with you. But—"

"But there's a little thing called Cody," he interrupted. He released her hand and stood, crossing to the opposite side of the gazebo. His hands rested on the beams on either side of him as he looked out into the copse of nearby oak trees. The clouds continued to roll in, adding a grayness to the winter afternoon. "Though he's really a big thing, isn't he?"

"I suppose he is," she murmured.

"Do yeh love him?"

Joanna blinked in surprise. He'd never asked her before. Why, she wondered, was it suddenly so important? Wetting her lips, she rose to her feet and went to stand behind him. "I do, but not in the way you think."

"How, then?"

"It's hard to explain," she sighed. Standing next to him, she watched he approaching clouds. And fretted when he didn't reach for her as he usually would have. The last bit of sunlight faded into cloudiness and in the distance she saw the rain starting to fall. "I guess I love the comfort he gives me. Or I used to."

"What changed?"

"I met someone better," she whispered. "I met you."

"I'm not so special, Joanna."

"Stephen... You are." The rain was coming closer; soon it would be over them. "You accept me. You don't get moody if I'm not in the mood for sex. You hold me and talk to me until I go to sleep. You listen to my complaints if I've had a bad da of work and make me feel better just by being there. You... You're you and I..."

"Yeh know this can't go on forever," he said when she trailed into a sigh. "What if he wants more? What then?"

"How much more could he want?" she asked in confusion.

A sound that was a cross between a snort and a grunt came from him. "Yeh've been with him four years. Have yeh ever talked about the future with him?"

"No." She shook her head, still confused. It was impossible to imagine Cody wanting to discuss anything in the future unless it dealt with an upcoming match or pay-per-view event. From day one she had taken a back seat to his career. She tried to tell herself it didn't bother her. "Stephen, what he and I have is totally different than what's between us."

"Sex, lies, secrets? That's a brilliant way to start a relationship, love."

Rain began to patter on the roof of the gazebo. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want yeh to say the truth."

"Which truth? That I wish to God I'd fended him off when he asked me out all those years ago? That I wish I'd met you before I met him? Or that I—" Joanna cut off, not sure it was the time to admit such deep feelings. Not when they seemed on the brink of an argument.

"If I were to tell yeh that yeh had to choose..." He finally turned to look at her. When their gazes met she was taken aback by the sadness in his eyes. As though he knew she wouldn't choose him. "Right now, who would it be?"

"That's not fair, Stephen."

"This isn't fair," he stressed, raking a hand through his hair. "I know it hasn't been easy, Joanna. I get that. I guess it's only fair, considering everything. But it hasn't been easy on me either, having to watch yeh with him. Seeing yeh smile at him and pretending that it doesn't kill me inside is torture. Hearing him tell yeh he loves yeh, especially when I—"

Joanna could only stare as he jerked around to look outside once more. A few words tumbled from his lips, words she didn't know, and she tentatively reached for him. "Stephen," she ventured in a whisper when he didn't look at her. "You what?"

"_Tá grá agam duit_," he murmured.

She had no idea what those words meant, either. Confused again, she stared up at him when he turned to face her. The light in his eyes, which had faded over the past few minutes, was back, and the meaning became clearer when he traced her cheek with the tip of his thumb. "Stephen..."

"I can't help it, Joanna. I know, this was supposed to just be about the sex, but it's not. It hasn't been for a long time." He brushed away a tear that escaped her eye. "Has it?"

"No," she whispered, shocked to realize she was crying. "It hasn't."

"We're back where we started, love. Where are we going?"

A handkerchief was pressed into her hand and she nearly shook her head at the gesture. In a world of disposable everything, he was the one person she knew who carried around a true handkerchief. She dabbed away her tears as she lifted her head. "I don't know."

"Yeh have to choose, Joanna. Not today, but soon. I can't keep living like this."

She nodded, more tears welling in her eyes. "So you're giving me an ultimatum?"

"I suppose I am. I don't like it either, but it has to happen." His lips pressed to her forehead and stayed there, their warmth spreading through her.

"Why do you stay?" she whispered after a moment.

"I think yeh already know." He breathed the words again and for the time being, everything was okay.

_Tá grá agam duit._

* * *

"We need to talk."

They spoke at the same time. Cody chuckled at the coincidence, whereas Joanna managed a weak smile. Coming from the bathroom, she had been surprised to find him sitting on the edge of the bed. Still dressed and looking thoughtful, he had glanced up at her with a face that she'd never seen before.

It was then she had known she had to talk to him. Not about everything. She just wanted to see where he was in their relationship. To see if they were even remotely on the same page.

"You first," she said with a smile, anxiety creeping up her spine as she towel-dried her hair. Leaving her recently-streaked locks hanging past her shoulders, she moved to claim the one armchair in the room. But something about the way he smiled made her move to the bed. It wasn't his usual, quick smile. There was an almost ingratiating quality to it. Briefly she wondered if he had found out about Stephen, then quickly reminded herself that no one had seen them together on their day off. Folding her legs in front of her, she forced herself to relax. "What's up?"

"I've just been thinking." His hand rested on her bare knee briefly before he turned to face her. "Where do you see us in a few years?"

Oh. This kind of 'we need to talk.' She smiled, glancing at the fingers that rested over her ankles. "Us as in two people that work for the WWE or us as in a couple?"

Cody chuckled, reaching to flick a damp lock of hair from her face. "As a couple, babe."

"The same as now I guess," she replied, praying he didn't hear her nervous gulp. "Doing what we do and being together when we can."

"Yeah?" His expression brightened and for a moment he was the same bright-eyed young man she had met so long ago. He smiled, one of his rare genuine smiles. The smile that reminded her of why she had gone out with him originally. "I like that. But... Things will be different, right?" His teeth worried his bottom lip. "Do you see yourself with me for the rest of your life?"

"I..." She faltered. He looked so hopeful. Like his very existence hinged on her answer. "I haven't really thought about it lately to be honest," she answered. "Between work and the insomnia and trying to get sleep... We've been busy, Cuddles." His smile, which had started to fade, returned full force at the rarely-used pet name. "Do you see us together for the rest of our lives?"

"I do, Jo. I see us having kids together one day." He chuckled again, leaning close to brush his lips over hers. "Kids that we'll encourage not to follow in my footsteps, even though they'll probably be two or three more Rhodes cementing the legacy. I see us growing old together, Jo. And happy. We'll be so happy."

He captured her lips gently and she was powerless to stop him, following his guidance so she was lying down. Shock had registered within her at the mention of children, recalling him once saying he would be happy to leave his brother to carry on the family name. Brought back to the present by the gentle sweep of his tongue, she parted her lips, longing to get lost in the kiss. Her eyes drifted closed and she held onto him. She relaxed beneath him, gasping into his mouth when his hands trailed along her sides.

He stroked the hem of her tank top and desire began to spark. "You do want kids, right?" he whispered.

"Not right _now_," she murmured, giggling when he tickled her. His hand slipped beneath her to cup her backside. Sobering, she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "One day, yes."

"Good." Cody dragged his lips over her cheek, latching onto her earlobe with gusto. His hand crept beneath her tank top to grasp at her skin.

She was reminded of backseat fumbling as a teenager.

"You never answered my question," he whispered.

Eyes still closed, she let her fingers dance over his chest. "I—"

The shrill ring of a cell phone saved her from answering. Cody froze over her, groaning, then rolled away to retrieve his phone. She expected him to silence it and return to her, because the man never let his questions go unanswered. But he slid off the bed, phone in hand.

"It's Dad, I gotta take it."

Joanna nodded, rolling into a seated position. She watched as he stepped out onto the balcony, his voice low as he spoke into the phone. Confused at the abrupt change in his demeanor she could only watch in bewilderment as he closed the door behind him. She felt the chill of the night's air from the bed and got to her feet. Not wanting him to grow cold she picked up his coat to carry it to him. But her movements stilled as she caught a whiff of a strange perfume.

The aroma clung to the soft wool, mostly on the collar. _Probably ran into an overeager fan_, she thought with a shrug, carrying the coat across the room. As she handed over the coat, she noted the look of irritation at her interruption and was quick to retreat.

Seated on the bed again, she picked up her phone. She toyed with calling him, longing to hear his voice before going to sleep. But it was a bad idea. No need to play with fire. Instead she settled on sending him a quick text message, deleting and re-typing the symbol for a heart several times before finally pressing _send_.

His reply was swift as always and brought tears to her eyes. _Tá grá agam duit. __Codladh sámh__. Sleep well love – S._

She glanced at the closed door leading to the balcony. Assured Cody wasn't about to reenter she tapped out a reply.

_I love you, too._

**A/N – YOU GUYS! All my love to you. Thanks so much for all the wonderful reviews. :) Another tip of the hat to my sweet Amber, whose input was invaluable in this chapter.**

**Side note – I'm currently without internet at home. Our modem's power supply is frakked and it will take up to five days before it can be fixed (WAH!). A great big woot-woot to McDonald's for their free wi-fi. I probably won't update until I'm able to do so from the comfort of my home, which I hope won't be too long. 3**


	6. Five

5.

When he woke in the morning, she was curled close to his side. Her hand rested over his heart; her soft breaths brushed over his skin. His arm was around her. It was the first time in ages that she'd moved closer to him throughout the night. Warmed by the gesture, he reached to smooth the sleep-tousled hair from her face. He lightly fingered the blonde streaks that had been carefully applied to her naturally brown hair, following the length of the locks to her shoulder.

She released a soft moan in her sleep as his fingers trailed over her neck. Her head tilted back and when her lips came into view he couldn't resist. Pulling her closer, he covered her mouth with his in a tender kiss.

Somehow over the past year they had started to pull apart. He had given in to temptation while she had remained at his side. He knew deep down that he didn't deserve her, but he also knew he'd never be able to let her go. After investing nearly four years of his life in her there was no way he could ever start over with another.

Her lips parted beneath his, tongue searching. Fingers danced over his chest, then she pulled away. Cody watched her eyes open and saw the surprise in her green eyes before she looked down. "Morning," she murmured.

"Morning," he returned, fully prepared to continue the kiss. But she drew away even more, an awkwardness in her movements that had become the norm over the past months.

It was as though they were sober strangers waking together after a drunken one-night stand.

"I better start getting ready—"

He caught her arm before she could slide away completely and drew her back, his lips curving into a smile. "We've got hours before we need to go anywhere," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her close. His lips found hers again and silenced her next complaint.

It took coaxing, but he felt her begin to relax in his embrace. Within seconds her fingers were sliding through his hair. She tugged a bit at the close-cropped locks, almost as though she expected it to be longer. He pulled at the tank top she wore as her leg wound around him, leaning back when she broke the kiss. The pink cotton was peeled away in a lazy movement.

He remembered the days when clothing was torn off blindly. Nights when the first explosive sex of the night was over with before they had even gotten completely undressed.

Her necklace glinted in the soft morning light and he brushed his fingers over it, frowning when she guided his hands to her breasts. _Okay._

She didn't protest when he guided her to lay on her back; her breathing was shallow as his lips moved along her neck. He felt the bite of her fingernails in his biceps when he traced her collarbone with his tongue, then the warmth of her hands down his back.

"Babe? What are you doing?" she whispered, fingers resting at the waistband of his pajama pants.

Cody blinked in surprise and slowly stopped kneading the soft flesh of her breasts. Flesh that yielded to his touch, not hard and inflexible like... He gave a quick shake of his head and forced his hands lower, cupping her backside to draw her closer to him. "Sorry," he whispered against her neck. _Lie, come up with a good lie_. "They just feel so good..."

Joanna nodded, hands leaving him as he reached down to remove his pants. The soft flannel had barely pooled at his ankles when he felt her lean to the side. He heard the crinkle then felt the packet press into his palm.

"Babe, do we really—" he began, sighing in defeat before the words left his mouth. He already knew the answer.

Four years. Four years of sex and she had not once let him enter her without a condom. He could well remember those first unplanned times, when he'd been forced to go beg one off Randy or one of the other guys. But he put up with it because she insisted and it was one of the few things she insisted on. Unlike...

They joined and he heard her soft gasp. He closed his eyes, remembering back then, when things had been so hurried and passionate. When she had begged for him. When bruises had formed in conspicuous places. When whoever had the misfortune of staying in a neighboring room was kept awake. Now, though...

Now, things were different. They were a little older, a little more mature. A little more comfortable. Yes, even a little boring, he acknowledged as her soft fingers pressed against his back – the telltale sign that she was close. But they had the rest of their lives to be exciting.

He would make sure of it.

A soft cry, a deeper groan. He fell beside her and stared up at the ceiling. Not breathless. Not so spent he could barely move. That feeling of being comfortable, though, which always crept in when they were alone.

No danger. No excitement. No rush. No euphoria.

Comfort.

* * *

Joanna tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and expelled a harsh breath. Stooped to unpack her supplies for the evening she didn't look up upon hearing footsteps behind her. Figuring it was one of the girls, she tossed her brushes onto the table, her thoughts focused on a few brief moments of her day.

He hadn't said _I love you_. She supposed it didn't matter – not really, not anymore – but he always said it after sex. Clear as day, a murmur as he pressed his face into the pillow, or even a mumble under his breath; Cody never failed to say those three little words.

Until that morning.

Her stomach twisted anxiously as she pushed the last of her supplies on the table. Straightening, she set to work organizing them in the order they would be needed. A mundane task perhaps, but it was one she needed at the moment. Her nerves were shot. Her mind was a scrambled mess.

She would never have thought she would begin to feel as though she were cheating on Stephen. She almost snorted at the idea. After all, how could she think of having sex with Cody as cheating on the man she was cheating with? The jumbled thought only made her stomach twist more. Repeated attempts to push the worries from her mind were in vain; her brain refused to think of anything else.

"You look as though you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, Chambers."

Wade. She managed a sigh as her gut spiraled into a tight knot and finally glanced up from her task. "Is it that obvious?"

"A little, but perhaps I notice because I know." He lifted one shoulder in a shrug as he leaned on the stool next to her table.

"Thanks for reminding me," she said flatly. She fussed with the bottles of gel, mousse, spray, and pomade.

"I'm not here to rub it in," he sighed. When she snorted, he groaned. "Look, I don't like this, Chambers. It's wrong, and – I'm not going to tell you what you already know. It's not my place."

"Then why are you here?" she asked, lining up her combs and brushes.

"To tell you that this..." He paused and she looked up in time to see the aimless gesture of his hand. "It's hurting him. I've noticed for months now that something was wrong and after what I saw, he opened up. He'll never say it to you, because he doesn't want to worry you or add more stress to you. But it's killing him."

"If you think it's been easy for me—"

"No, I don't. I don't think it should be, either." Wade's eyes were dark when he finally caught her gaze. "The man is one of my best friends. We've been through a lot together. I've seen him in love, I've seen him heartbroken. Yet..."

"Yet?" she prompted when he sighed and looked away.

"I've never seen him like this. He's both at the same time. It's eating away at him. Have you watched any of his matches in the past couple months? Have you seen any of his interviews? It's starting to affect his job."

The knot in her gut tightened so sharply that it tugged at her heart. She rarely had the chance to catch Stephen's ring work and when she did she was so awed by the athleticism shown she doubted she would have noticed a decline. And his interviews, what few she managed to catch on YouTube, were a means to hear his voice. Selfishly, she had thought only of her own needs and desires. Not his.

"I didn't realize," she whispered finally. Staring at but not seeing the implements of her occupation, she felt hot tears burn her eyes.

"I'm aware that you're busy being a dutiful girlfriend to a man that isn't fit to scrape dog shit from your shoes. And I know just by watching you talk to Ste that you're in love with him. Whether you've told him or not is your business, but I want you to know something."

Joanna was barely given a chance to grasp his words. "What?" she whispered.

"You need to put an end to this. One way or another, Joanna." It was the first time he'd ever called her by her given name. "I can take you doing this to Cody, despite my hatred for infidelity. But not when it's Ste on the other side. He's big and strong, with a heart of gold, but that heart was broken many times before you came into his life." He took a deep breath, obviously wanting to calm himself before he continued.

"Wade—"

"If you're going to end things with him, do it now, while he's got enough strength to get over you." He looked down, as though thinking it was already too late. That Stephen had lost the required strength already. "But he needs to know."

Tears that she had been fighting slipped from her eyes as Wade stood. His hand rested on her shoulder. Not in a show of comfort and support, but to make sure she met his eyes.

"I'm not trying to be an unfeeling bastard. I like you. I like the way he is when he talks about you. You'd be perfect for him if only..."

"If only I weren't with someone else," she whispered.

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze before releasing her. "Don't hurt him anymore than you have to."

With that, he was gone. Leaving her with the weight of the world as well as the weight of his words.

Leaving her alone to cry.

* * *

Dinner had been perfect. Her steak had been cooked to her liking, the baked potato had oozed butter and sour cream, her salad had been crisp and fresh. The restaurant had been cozy, romantic; soft music had added to the ambiance. The sadness that had lingered in her eyes for weeks remained, but faded a little as the hours passed. Candlelight had flickered in her eyes throughout their meal, and when he'd suggested dancing she'd agreed.

He knew others had watched them on the dance floor. They moved together as though they had been born to dance in each others' arms. When he dipped her she laughed, a sound more melodious than the music. A laugh that pushed a little more sadness away from her eyes. As he righted her their lips met in a quick, tender kiss that hinted of more passionate meetings later.

When they entered the hotel room he inhaled the scent of her light perfume as he helped her out of her coat. Catching her by the waist, he drew her close so he could press his face to her neck. "I love you," he whispered, dropping her coat to the floor when she turned to face him. Her arms wound around him and he knew that it was time.

He released her long enough to remove his own coat, eyes never leaving her as she crossed the room. Her shoes were kicked off and she sighed as she wriggled her toes against the carpet. He watched with growing delight as she reached beneath her simple black dress to peel off her stockings, his tongue dancing across his lips as they slid from her fingers to the floor. Back to him, she reached back to unzip her dress. The expanse of her back came into view, the room growing several degrees warmer as she wriggled out of the long-sleeved garment.

Wearing nothing but a pair of black lace panties, she scooped up the nightgown she'd left on the bed and slipped it on. When she turned to face him, her eyes widened in surprise. "Babe?" she inquired.

On his knee before her, he felt all the words he had rehearsed flee his mind when he saw her nervous expression. His thumb stroked the lid of the small box in his hand. It was the right thing to do. It would help them. It would prove to her that he was committed to making their relationship work.

Angry words hurled at him the day before echoed in his mind and he forced them away, focusing on the woman that he was sure would say yes.

Taking a deep breath, he lifted the hinged lid to expose the diamond solitaire inside. Her gasp was sharp; her hands flew to cover her mouth.

"Joanna," he began after several failed starts. His knee was beginning to ache. "Will you marry me?"

* * *

**A/N: DUN DUN DUN! (I've always wanted to do that at the end of a chapter.)**

**Thanks to everyone for the great reviews! My internet was fixed Tuesday (and I wanted to kiss the Tech, not even going to lie. Didn't hurt that he was cute...) and I've rewritten this chapter about three times since. Hope you've enjoyed!**


	7. Six

6.

"Will you marry me?"

She'd forgotten how to breathe. She hadn't expected the night to end like this, with him on his knee holding a sparkling diamond. Her mind went blank as he continued to stare up at her, the hopefulness in his eyes slowly shifting to concern.

"Joanna?"

"Oh God," she breathed. The words, such as they were, were muffled behind her hands. It took all her strength to pull them away from her mouth. Thousands of words spoken to her in recent weeks flooded her brain and she began to shake her head to clear them. "I can't," she whispered when he opened his mouth.

"What do you mean?" he asked, getting to his feet. He towered over her, the concern in his eyes replaced by disbelief.

"I can't," she repeated, blinking rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes.

"I thought you wanted this? Forever and always, let's grow old and hold hands while we watch our grandkids play?" He snapped the box closed, shaking his head. "Do you even know what you want, Joanna? Forget it," he snorted before she could answer. "I gotta get outta here."

* * *

Joanna replayed the events of that night as she sat in the back corner of the Burger King near the hotel. The tray of food in front of her remained untouched, save for a few fries missing from the carton. Surrounded by people enjoying their lunches, chatting and laughing as though they hadn't a care in the world, she felt like utter crap.

Except for a few awkward moments the night before when Cody had dropped by to grab a bottle of oil prior to the show, she hadn't seen him. Nearly two days had passed without contact.

It seemed only fitting that she hadn't been able to see or speak to Stephen, either. His days off had coincided with what she'd decided to call _That Night_, and he'd warned her that he would be busy. A few brief texts here and there, but nothing more.

She had never felt so alone.

"I figured I'd find you here."

At the sound of his voice she looked up. Bag in one hand, drink in the other, Cody stood next to the table. For the first time in ages, he looked unsure about his welcome. Their eyes met and one corner of his mouth lifted in a quick smile.

"I always know where to find you."

Joanna nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Not yet. She straightened in her seat as he sat opposite her and watched him pull out his food. She knew without looking that he had the grilled chicken sandwich and an order of onion rings. In his cup was undoubtedly a Dr. Pepper with just a little ice.

After four years, she knew his preferences about everything. Music, clothes, food, cars. She even knew his preferred brands of socks and underwear. She knew how he liked his coffee, how many hours of sleep he needed to avoid being a zombie the next day. She knew his views on all the hot-button political topics.

She was certain she knew everything about the man sitting across from her. Why, then, did she feel she was looking at a stranger?

Silence was deafening as he began to eat. As always, he ate the onion rings first. Occasionally he would glance up, but each time their gazes met both looked away. Joanna was reminded of the awkwardness of their first date.

"Why did you leave?" she asked, finally finding her voice when he was halfway through his sandwich.

His eyes met hers and he reached for a napkin. "I was pissed. Why didn't you say yes?"

"I was shocked, Cody. I never expected...that." And she hadn't. Even after their brief talk about the future, she would never have dreamed he would go down on one knee.

"Funny, everyone else did." He crumpled the wrapper in one hand and pushed it into the empty bag. "Hell, for the past two years it's all anyone's talked to me about. 'When are you going to make an honest woman out of her?' And 'I can't believe you two aren't engaged yet.' Why, Joanna? Why can everyone else but you see that this would be good for us?"

"I never said it wouldn't be good for us," she defended, pushing her tray aside. There was no need in even trying to eat now. "And, what, we're supposed to make a big step like this because everyone around us thinks it's a good idea?" She shook her head. "This isn't like buying a new car, Cody."

"I know that. And I didn't ask you because people said I should. I asked you because I want to marry you. I want you to be Mrs. Cody Runnels. I want that big wedding with all the flowers and you in a gorgeous dress walking down the aisle to be my wife." He sighed, flicking his straw wrapper back and forth. "I thought you wanted all that too."

Joanna looked down at her hands, which were clasped so tightly in her laps her knuckles had turned white. "I'm just not ready," she whispered. "There's so much going on—"

"What?" he scoffed. "I don't get you. Not a week ago you were bitching that we've gotten boring and stale. And now—"

"And now you think proposing to me is going to make everything better?" She snapped her head up in time to see him cringe. "Are you kidding me? You really think that? Jesus Christ, Cody!"

"Would you calm down, please?" he hissed, glancing to the nearby tables.

"No, I won't calm down! How about the huge diamond? Was that just your way of saying 'please shut up?'" she asked, not lowering her voice. She was aware of heads swiveling in their direction but didn't care. Cody's eyes widened and she shook her head. "Unbelievable!"

"I'm just trying to fix us, which is more than I can say for you."

Her heart stopped beating briefly. "What," she began in a whisper. Clearing her throat, she took a deep breath and tried again. "What do you mean by that?"

"You were the one doing all the complaining and when I try to come up with something that gets us back on track you pull away. I asked a few nights ago if you wanted to go out with the guys and you had a headache." Cody sat up straighter, shoving his trash into his bag. "It's like every time I want to do something with you, you have a reason to back out. Hell, it was like pulling teeth to get you to go to dinner with me."

_"He's going out with Randy, Ted, and some of the other guys. Are you busy?"_

_"I'm never too busy to see yeh."_

The words rushed to her mind and she felt her heart twist painfully. Struggling to remain calm, she looked out the window. The forecast had called for snow flurries, but the sky was clear. Sunlight reflected off the cars in the parking lot, giving off a dazzling effect. She wished the forecast had been right. Cold, cloudy and dreary would have matched her mood. "Proposing to me won't put us back on track," she murmured.

"Then what will?"

She didn't know. She felt her stomach churn as Stephen's voice came to mind. Shaking her head, she slid out of her seat and picked up her tray. "I don't know, Cody."

"Oh, honey, I don't see how you can walk away from him." This from an older woman at the next table. "Whatever he did, sugar, he's cute enough for you to let it slide."

Joanna bit back the suggestion that the lady mind her own damned business and looked to Cody. "I have to get back, I need to be at the arena in a couple hours. Mel's out today so we're shorthanded."

"See?" He grabbed his trash and was on his feet before she could take a step away. "That's just what I'm talking about. I want to fix this and you're walking away from me."

"Because you should be the most important thing, right? I should just ignore all other aspects of my life and make sure that you're taken care of?" she defended. "I have a job to do, Cody. We'll talk about this later."

"At least let me—" he cursed under his breath when his phone began to ring. He fished it out of his pocket, squinting at the screen. "I—"

"Gotta take it, I know. You always do." She bit her lip when she saw his finger slide over the screen to connect the call. "Maybe I'm not the only one backing out." Turning on her heel, she dumped her uneaten food into the trash. She felt a brief wave of guilt, her mother's oft-repeated chastising coming to mind.

_"There are starving people in the world and you're going to waste good food?"_

_Sorry, Mama. _She made a mental note to make a small donation to a local soup kitchen. Over the noise of other customers she heard Cody's voice, gentle and warm. There was an intimacy in his voice that she hadn't picked up in ages. Feeling as though she were intruding on a private moment she took the opportunity to flee.

She had barely made it five feet from the door when she walked straight into a body made of steel. A familiar cologne assailed her senses. She didn't bother looking up. She didn't have to. She had known at first touch who it was.

"Yeh look like yeh've seen a ghost."

God, how she'd missed him. The sound of his voice, the feel of his hands on her shoulder, the unique scent of him. The warmth that emanated even on this cold afternoon. She longed to lose herself in his embrace, to bury her face against his chest until she felt like herself again.

"What's the matter, love?"

Behind her, the door opened. She glanced back to see a group of teenagers spill out onto the sidewalk, laughing hysterically over someone's messed up order. Shaking her head, she pulled her hands from his arms and stuffed them into the pockets of her hoodie. "Not here."

"Ah've got to grab a bite. Meet yeh back at the hotel?"

She nodded, still unable to look him in the eye. After murmuring her room number she sneaked a glance at his face.

As always, she saw concern.

* * *

Stephen sometimes prided himself on not being an idiot. He wasn't naïve. He wasn't gullible. He reviewed the facts as best he could no matter the situation before making up his mind one way or the other.

Aside from plunging headfirst into an affair, he had a pretty good track record.

He'd thought that pulling away from her for a few days would make him miss her less. He'd thought that keeping himself busy at home would make his heart hurt a little less when he saw her. He'd thought that not calling her or texting her incessantly would be a good idea.

He'd thought wrong.

His only goal after checking into the hotel was finding her. The few text messages he'd sent her had gone unanswered. His two calls had gone straight to voice mail. He had given up on seeing or speaking to her before the taping.

Now, thanks to a bit of coincidence, he was rushing to see her. Even if it was only for a few minutes, long enough to hear why she looked as though her world had caved in. He had a sinking feeling it was related to the man he'd passed by on his way into the building to order his lunch. Cody had looked stressed as well but whether due to something with Joanna or the person he'd been talking to on the phone, Stephen had no clue.

When she let him into her room – on a floor separate from most of the other employees – he was relieved to see no sign of the younger man. Not so much as a discarded t-shirt was around to signal that he'd been there. The items littering the dresser all belonged to her. The clothes spilling out of the suitcase on the foot of the bed were hers.

The surprise must have shown in his posture because she shrugged and murmured, "I got a room to myself."

He nodded even though she couldn't see. The moment the door had closed behind him she'd been in his arms not even giving him a chance to remove his coat before pressing her face to his chest. Her hands clutched at his coat and she released a shuddering sigh when his lips brushed the top of her head.

Even though he'd tried so desperately, he knew there was no way he'd ever willingly give her up.

"What's wrong, love?" he asked gently when she'd allowed him to remove his coat and they were seated at the small table by the window.

With a soft sigh, she told him. As he picked at his food he found himself hearing things she'd never brought up. Usually when they were alone their conversation leaned to the two of them. Joanna rarely, if ever, discussed her relationship with Cody.

Now, though, he listened with growing horror as she finally told him everything. The first awkward date, which she admitted she hadn't initially wanted to go on. The following dates where she had learned she and Cody shared very few interests. Weeks of being thrown together until, suddenly, they were a couple. The couple everyone considered so perfect for each other. The events that had transpired while he was at home moping.

She wasn't in love with him. Never had been, really. All there was between them was the comfort and companionship of two people who had been practically forced together. Had he not already been involved, Stephen knew his heart would have broken for her.

His lunch was long forgotten by the time she finished. He watched her shoulders slump as she murmured that her answer had been no.

He had no choice but to reach for her. It didn't matter that no decision had been made on her part; he doubted anything could keep him from wanting to comfort her.

Even if she didn't choose him.

"I have to go," she whispered against his shoulder. Her lips brushed his cheek as she pulled back. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything," he murmured honestly. Surely there was something he could do? He supposed if he thought long enough the right words would come to him. Words that would make everything clear in her mind.

"You listened. Trust me, that was more than enough." She rose to gather her things.

He watched her as he threw away his half-eaten lunch. "Love," he began when she pulled on her coat. She looked up and he saw that the worry in her eyes had faded just a bit. Shaking his head, he grabbed his own coat and followed her to the door. "I'll see yeh at the arena," he murmured. She nodded, fumbling with her scarf and he reached to fix it around her collar for her, placing his hands on her shoulders to draw her close. Just for a moment, he told himself. Just to revamp the memory of having her in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered again as she reached to open the door. She leaned into him, her lips inches from his when something caused her to rear back. "Cody," she breathed.

His hand was raised as though to knock. It fell to his side, his gaze on the hands that rested on Joanna's shoulders. His eyes narrowed as he looked to Stephen, then to her. When he spoke, his voice was colder than ice.

"Is this why you said no?"

* * *

**A/N: I regret nothing. :)**

**Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! I still consider myself a newbie in the world of wrestling fanfiction so it truly means a lot that so many have taken time to read what I've written. Hope you've enjoyed! xD**


	8. Seven

7.

It was the moment he had dreaded for a year. Now that it was upon him he wondered why he'd been so fearful of being found out. It wasn't as though they had been caught in the middle of sex. Having her in his arms probably wasn't the best way to be seen with her but he knew it could have been worse. And knowing what he knew about Cody, he didn't expect the man to make too big a deal of what was happening. Especially without knowing more facts.

But when the accusation came, harsh and bitter, there was such coldness in the man's tone that Stephen realized his expectations had been wrong.

Joanna froze upon first seeing him, her fingers clutching his biceps tighter. The temperature in the room seemed to plunge to frigid depths. He saw the color wash from her face.

"Is it?" Cody demanded, still just outside the door. His hand clenched into a fist at his side.

"Cody—" she began, finally releasing Stephen and taking a step back. "It's not what you think."

"What do you know about my thoughts?" he sneered. "I came to talk to you and find you with _him_." He spat the word as though it were a curse.

"Don't accuse her of something without knowing all the details," Stephen warned in a measured tone.

"Please. It's as plain as day what's going on. You weren't satisfied getting everything else in the company, you had to get my girl too?"

"What do you mean by that?" she asked.

"Come on, everybody knows the only reason he's on the rise is because of who his friends are. If he wasn't in the Board's back pocket, he wouldn't be shit."

The anger swept over him before the words were fully out of Cody's mouth. He drew in a deep breath to calm himself before speaking but it didn't help. "Yeh better watch yer mouth," he warned. "Instead of spouting off shit like that yeh could ask what happened."

"Only an idiot would have to ask what's happening. I may be many things, but stupid is not one of them. Who the fuck do you think you are?" Cody gestured to Joanna. "How long has this been going on? Well?" he demanded when she remained silent. "How long have you been whoring yourself out to him?"

"Stephen!" Joanna's gasped, too late to stop him as his fist swung out to connect with Cody's jaw.

Cody staggered backwards from the force as one hand covered where Stephen's fist had made contact. "Sonofabitch," he hissed. "She's not good enough to fight for." The words were low, punctuated by a groan of pain, and Cody flashed a quick smirk when he wiped blood from his bottom lip. "You really want to do this?"

"Yeh insulted her," Stephen whispered. Was the man stupid? He would have thought him capable of at least a little common sense. A man didn't go about insulting a woman. Especially a woman he claimed to love.

"Everyone does. Haven't you heard?" Cody raised his voice so Joanna could hear. "She's the biggest idiot on the tour. Because she turned me down. I spent a hundred thousand dollars on that fucking ring and she still said no. But I guess we know why now, huh?" He whirled to glare at Joanna. "How long? How long have you been fucking him behind my back?"

Joanna shook her head. "It's not—"

"Important? That long? It's not what, Joanna?" Cody shook his head. "Do you know what I gave up when I asked you to marry me?"

_Fuck_, Stephen thought. Not now. He couldn't be about to admit to his own affair. This would be the worst possible time. He dreaded the fallout. It was one thing to be the one doing the cheating, but another altogether to learn you were cheated on. And he had no idea how she would react when she learned that he'd known about Cody's indiscretion.

"What did you give up?" she asked gently. Her face was still ashen.

"You really had no idea? Well I guess not considering you've been too busy fucking the industrial sized mayonnaise jar to notice anything." Cody wiped blood from his lip again. "Everyone knew. Even him, probably."

"Knew what?" Stephen felt her green eyes on him and looked up to see suspicion in her eyes. "Will someone please tell me what's going on?"

"You're fucking him. And hey, guess what? I fucked a few other people too. Fair's fair, right?" Cody wiped his mouth again and looked down at his fingers. "But I never let any of them replace you. Unlike you, I kept that on the side."

"Cody, no!"

Stephen dropped his coat as the man hurdled towards him. The clenched fist landed on his chin with more strength than he expected. He caught himself before stumbling and managed to deflect the next blow. Rage washed through him at the feel of a fist against his stomach.

He forgot everything but fighting back.

There was a muted roar in his ears as he swung out, his knuckles meeting Cody's right eye with the satisfying sound of flesh against flesh. Arms locked around his to keep him from getting in anymore blows. He easily shook the younger man off, though, his left fist connecting with a jaw. Lunging when Cody staggered back, he kept swinging, years of brawling experience coming to the forefront as he kept his arms close to preserve energy.

They fell to the floor, where Cody managed to slam his knee into his groin, arms blocking his face from receiving anymore punches. Stephen tasted blood, spurring him on even further. He reared back, lurching when a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Enough." Joanna's voice was pleading as her hand covered his. He felt her fingers tremble. "Please, stop."

It was quite possibly the hardest thing he'd ever done. Chest heaving with each breath he took, he rolled away and got to his feet. He was unable to look at her for a moment. Scared that he would see her offering comfort to Cody, he rubbed his knuckles with his opposite palm, his gaze focused on the blank wall.

"How dare you?"

He winced at her tone, certain the question was directed at him. When he turned with his lips parted to defend himself he saw her glaring at Cody, who'd pulled himself into a seated position. He couldn't help the sigh of relief that rushed past his lips, raking a hand through his hair.

"You insinuate that you've been cheating on me for God knows how long then you attack Stephen? Who, by the way, you have no proof that I've been sleeping with. Is your conscience so guilty that you just assume the worst when you see me with another man?"

He'd never seen her so angry. Not even when one of the Divas had accused her of burning her hair with a curling iron. One of the things that had attracted him to her was the miniscule amount of drama that emanated from her. Her diatribes and outrages were so infrequent and so justified they were quickly forgotten.

Obviously, Cody had never seen her this upset either. One hand covering the side of his face, he stared at her with his one good eye as he boosted himself up. "You didn't even deny it, Joanna. And yeah, when a guy comes to his girlfriend's hotel room to talk to her and finds her in the arms of another man, he tends to assume something's going on."

"Stop focusing on what may or may not be happening between he and I and tell me if you meant what you said you fucked other people."

"Have I ever lied?" He snorted, then grimaced. Grabbing a hotel towel from the bed he spat into it.

"You—" Joanna looked from Cody to Stephen, but the look she gave Stephen was filled with disbelief. "You knew? And you didn't tell me?"

"Ah didn't think it was my place," he answered as gently as possible. He saw the disbelief wash over her face and felt his heart twist. "And Ah didn't think that yeh'd believe me, considering—"

"Considering he wanted to put himself in a good light while you were cheating on me. With him," Cody interjected.

"Shut up," she growled at her – was it safe to consider him former now? – boyfriend. "Stephen, tell me."

"When Ah'm with yeh, Ah try to focus on us, love," he explained, praying she would believe him. He would never have thought himself capable, but he was fully prepared to beg. "Not him. Us."

A beeping emanated from the depths of her purse and she cursed vividly under her breath as she dug out her phone. "I have to go," she whispered. "I'm late. I... I have to go."

Stephen watched her rush out the door and couldn't shake the feeling that it signified her walking out of his life. The rational part of his brain told him that he had only himself to blame. But the outraged portion, which controlled his actions the majority of the time, pointed the finger at someone else.

"Did you really think you'd have a chance to steal her from me?"

His eyes narrowed at the venomous words. He clenched then uncurled his fingers slowly. And when Cody snorted he advanced.

* * *

"You're just leaving, then?"

Joanna closed her eyes tightly, hands stilling in the packing of her supplies. "I'm not leaving," she whispered. "I have a few vacation days saved up and when I asked to take a couple Betty said I could." She gathered a bit of resolve and continued cramming things into her bag. "How is it you always know what's happening anyway?"

"I keep my ears open, Joanna." The Englishman picked up a jar of pomade and looked it over. "Aren't you going to talk to him?"

"Why do you care?" she asked. "Weren't you the one who wanted all this to be over with?"

"I care because, like I said last time, Ste is my best friend and I don't want to see him hurt again."

Joanna rubbed her aching temples. "He didn't tell me about..." she sighed. "Well I guess you know what he didn't tell me. And he left me for two days without any contact. Why is it okay for everyone to hurt me but when I take a step back to try and make sense I'm the one that's doing the hurting?"

One eyebrow arched in the haughty manner he adopted when in the ring. "Well, first off, your time off and his time off have never matched up. And he did contact you. He sent you a text, to which you never replied. He's not trying to hurt you," he sighed when she slumped in the nearby chair. "You hold his heart in your hands. You might have been hurt by Cody, but you're hurting Ste now."

"I want nothing more than to be with him," she murmured. She didn't have to look up to see the surprise on his face. The last time they had really spoken he had been telling her she had a choice to make. "But he wouldn't even look me in the eye when he came in here earlier."

"From what he told me, you were a bit pissed at him when you left."

"Not at him, though. At... Well, the whole situation." Herself mostly. For wasting four years of her life with a man who had made a fool of her. How many others knew? Stephen had known, as had the man in front of her. Who else had kept his secrets for him?

"You're not upset that he didn't tell you?" He sighed when she shook her head. "Also, he isn't too proud of himself for beating the living hell out of Cody, even if the waste of skin deserved it."

"Why did he do it? Cody didn't insult him."

"You're a smart woman, you shouldn't have to ask that. He had plenty of reason to."

"Is he hurt?"

"He's fine." He made a show of checking his watch, then handed her the pomade. "Look, I've told you this once already but whatever it is you want... Figure it out and stop stringing him along."

"I'm not stringing—"

"You are. I'm a bit pissed that it's gone on as long as it has. He's fragile enough as it is and you're not helping."

"Wade—"

"For fuck's sake, Joanna, call me Stu," he groaned.

"Stu," she corrected, getting to her feet. "I love him. I have ever since... Well, that's not important right now. But I do. And when I saw Cody with the ring and everything, I knew what I wanted."

"Then go to him. A blind man could see that you and Cody aren't meant to be." His hands rested on her shoulders in a gentle squeeze. "For once, think about what you want, not what everyone else thinks you want."

She nodded, glancing at her watch. If she hurried, she would find him where he always was right after a show. Yet... "I can't."

"Why the hell not?"

"Don't you get it, Stu? I'm the one that's causing all the turmoil in his life! If it weren't for me, everything would be fine. If I had said 'no' a year ago—"

"But you didn't. Christ, Joanna, would you listen to yourself? You love him. You should be telling him that, not me."

* * *

Stephen wriggled his aching fingers, not liking the stiffness of the middle one as he glanced down. He ground his knuckles against the opposite palm to relieve the ache then forced the pain from his mind. As he did so, the pain in his chest returned.

He would never have imagined she would walk out on him. He had thought what they had...

_A secret affair that's blown up in your face? That's quite the foundation to built a relationship on, isn't it? _

She'd been so upset. He'd heard backstage that she'd been crying when she'd arrived for work. Word of his brawl with Cody had spread before he'd walked through the door good. It was no secret that the man had needed extensive makeup before being ready to go out in front of the cameras.

He knew he shouldn't be, but he was glad he'd done it. Hearing Cody refer to her as a whore had been more than enough to spur him on. And the words that had spewed from his mouth after she'd gone had angered him so badly it had taken three men to pull them apart.

Words he prayed Joanna would never hear.

He dragged a hand over his face, his gaze falling on his open suitcase. Regal, Stu, and Drew had already left for the next town but he'd stayed behind. Hoping against hope that he'd be able to see her before she left. The few messages he'd sent her had gone unanswered. Stu had merely looked away when asked if he'd seen her before leaving the venue.

He had arranged for a rental car and was about to leave when there was a knock at the door. Knowing it was unlocked and assuming it to be one of the lads, he barely looked up from gathering his things as he called for whomever to come in. The door opened and closed gently. Then, silence.

He hoped whoever it was hadn't dropped in to talk sense into him. Reaching for his wallet, he stilled when he caught a whiff of perfume. Soft, airy, with a hint of gardenias, he knew it well. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he slowly turned, blinking in surprise when he saw her. Coat, hat, gloves and scarf still on, she was breathless and he knew she had run to catch him.

"I looked for you," she whispered, hesitating a few feet from him. "But they'd finished loading out and I heard someone say you'd left. Then Stu sent me a message saying that you were driving out on your own tonight and—"

She broke off, drawing in a deep breath. And suddenly the rest of her story didn't matter. As she spoke she loosened her scarf, which sent the aroma of her perfume through his senses again. The aroma that had clung to his skin countless times over the past year, frequently mixed with sweat on sheets that had been wrapped around them.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She took one tentative step towards him, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

It was all it took. He met her halfway and caught her up against him, lips pressing to the side of her face as her arms circled his waist. "Ah'm sorry, love," he breathed, plucking away the yellow knit hat. "I should have—"

"No, you shouldn't have," she broke in, and he felt her kisses across his chest. "It wasn't your place, like you said."

"But Ah should've—"

Joanna leaned up, silencing him with a tender kiss that made all the aches, worries, and pain seep away. "Thank you," she murmured against the corner of his mouth.

"Yer welcome, but why are yeh thanking me?"

"You defended my honor. That was, without a doubt, the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me." Gloved fingers tickled his cheeks, causing him to smile.

"He had no right to say what he did." He caught one wrist in his hand and peeled the glove away, breaking her series of kisses long enough to press his lips to the center of her palm. She sighed, a breathy sound that made his heart flutter, and he repeated the action to the other hand.

"He's not the first one to say those words," she pointed out when his hands framed her face. "And he won't be the last."

"Then Ah'll have more fighting to do," he decided with a shrug, tilting her head back for a kiss. When she leaned against him, fingers curling in the front of his waistcoat, he let one hand drift down to remove her scarf.

"When everyone hears what happened... When all this gets out, they'll all be calling me every name in the book," she groaned, gently pushing his waistcoat over his shoulders.

"Ah don't care who it is, they'll regret saying a bad word about yeh," he whispered, releasing her long enough to let the waistcoat fall to the floor. His hands then located the buttons of her coat, which fell away within seconds.

"I love you, Stephen," she promised, hands returning to his face.

"_Tá grá agam duit_," he breathed, a smile pulling at his lips when she echoed the words.

"What time do you have to check in tomorrow?" she asked.

Her scent surrounded him and he reveled in it, knowing it was forever seared in his memory. He rested his forehead against hers, fingers sliding through her hair. "Three."

"Can we stay here tonight? Together?"

It would be the first time he would have her to himself for an entire night. The very thought of waking up with her in his arms caused a delicious warmth to curl in his stomach and he nodded.

"Make love to me, please," she whispered just before their lips met again.

He smiled, allowing his heart to rejoice in the words as he lifted her off the floor. He felt her legs swing, then the sound of her shoes bouncing against the carpet sounded in his ears. Between them they managed to rid her of her bulky sweatshirt and layered tank tops. When he felt the heat of her skin beneath his fingers he groaned, lips slanting over hers. He guided her down onto the mattress, swallowing her soft gasp as her back met the cool sheets.

She leaned up, fingers creeping into his hair as their legs tangled. His hands skimmed along her sides, thumbs hooking in the waistband of her jeans. Her teeth scraped his bottom lip and he growled. Frantic now to feel her skin against his, he quickly removed the jeans, drawing her upper lip into his mouth for a tender suckle.

They worked together to rid him of his bothersome clothing. Despite the rising temperature in the room he drew the covers over them. He wanted to shield them from the outside world as much as possible. He finally broke the kiss to draw in a clear breath, staring down into her green eyes for a long moment. The ever-present worry was nearly gone.

Her fingers traced his shoulders, his arms, his back, before sliding forward to trail down his chest. "I'm sorry I walked out on you," she murmured.

"It doesn't matter now," he assured her, lips dancing over her jaw. He paused to inhale the combined aroma of her perfume and shampoo before dropping his face to her neck. He felt the scrape of her necklace against his cheek, his fingers dancing up the length of her torso to brush over the pendant.

"I never meant to hurt you." She tilted her head back as his lips brushed across her collarbone.

He felt her hands push gently at his chest, the thigh resting at his hip tightening. Giving in to her guiding, he rolled to his back. A sigh pulled from his chest as she straddled him, tousled hair tumbling over her shoulders. There was a brief smile of triumph then she was leaning down, hot breath fanning across his skin as her lips pressed over the pounding of his heart.

"Let me make it up to you," she breathed against his chest.

His fingers curled in the sheet beneath him as a trail of fire was blazed down his chest. The combination of her tongue, lips and breath had him throwing his head back with a hearty groan. The full import of her words hit him as delicate fingers trailed over his hips. He lifted his head just in time to see her head slide beneath the covers. "Yeh don't have to—"

"I want to." Her voice was a heated whisper that washed over him like waves on a tropical beach.

"Joanna—" He gasped sharply when he felt her full lips close around him. Clutching at the sheet, he let his eyes drift shut as her tongue curved around his burning flesh. He longed to tangle his fingers in her hair but settled for running his fingers through the silky locks, barely feeling them sweep across his skin. Somehow through the haze of passion he saw the significance of the moment, recalling her once saying she had never enjoyed that particular act.

His hips began to involuntarily roll as her mouth enveloped him in moist heat. When she moaned softly, her fingernails gently digging into his flesh, it took every ounce of strength he possessed to grasp her shoulders. He lamented the loss of her mouth as she slithered up his body. He dragged her up for a kiss, fingers tangling in her hair.

She gasped into his mouth when he gently rolled her onto her back. Her hands immediately grasped his shoulders, thighs sliding over his in blatant invitation. When he felt her heat against him he shuddered, one hand trailing between them. Cupping her, he lifted his head to watch her face. He loved seeing her reactions as much as he loved hearing them.

He wasn't disappointed. Her lips, still wet from his kiss, parted. A small whine escaped as he gently explored her; a flush rose on her cheeks. "Please," she whispered, leaning up to press her lips to his. "Please, Stephen."

"Yes," he breathed, feeling her smile as his hand moved to rest on her hip.

When they joined she cried out, a sound of delight that urged him on. Her hands found his, their fingers lacing, and she didn't resist when he stretched her arms over her head. She didn't seem to mind having him covering her completely. With each roll of his hips he felt her turgid nipples slide against his chest, a sensation that made him growl.

He released her hands, sliding his arms beneath her to hold her close, cradling her head. He breathed words of love in her ear, wanting – needing – her to believe that he would always be by her side. As long as she wanted him. His heart began to pound wildly in his chest and he let his eyes close.

Her hands slid through his hair. She trembled beneath him, her legs curving around his waist. He leaned back and she gave a soft cry, following eagerly when he guided her to move with him. A throaty moan rumbled in her throat as they rocked together in the center of the bed. Her hands clutched at his shoulders as she began to shudder. No words were needed. One hand fell to rest on the curve of her hip, the other cupping the back of her neck when she began to roll her hips faster. His name was a tortured whisper and he nodded.

He guided her head forward, lips crashing against hers briefly before moving to rest next to her ear. His teeth gently grazed her earlobe before biting down gently on the tender flesh. She cried out, nails dragging across his shoulders. He hissed at the unexpected sting of pain, forehead falling to rest on her shoulder. She began to rock faster against him and he struggled to maintain a grip on her slick skin.

Joanna's body froze, a shiver ripping through her. He felt her tighten around him as a scream pierced the fog that surrounded him, jolting him. He shivered, growling almost savagely as he inhaled the sweet scent of her skin. The fire that had begun to lap in the pit of his stomach became a raging inferno and he shuddered. The movement of his hips became random and haphazard as he let the flames consume him.

It was several minutes before he could remember how to breathe. Several more before he could find the strength to ease her back to the mattress. He groped for the covers that had been kicked away and brought them over their rapidly cooling bodies, the pounding of his heart echoing in his ears as he struggled to breathe normally.

He relished in the knowledge that she wouldn't slip away just as he began to fall asleep. Arms still around her he drew her close to his side, managing enough strength to dip his head and offer a tender kiss before sagging back with a ragged sigh.

She leaned across him to switch off the lamp. When she returned to her previous position he felt her smile against his chest, her arm sliding across his abdomen. Idly, he covered her hand with his, lightly stroking her fingers as the moments passed.

He was almost asleep when her soft whisper reached his ears.

"I love you."

* * *

**A/N: Nothing to say really because it's so late I'm starting to see double. Hope you enjoy. Much love to my awesome readers and a big ol' Southern hug to those that review! **


	9. Eight

8.

"I heard she was cheating on him."

"Ugh, is she stupid? Who with?"

"Nobody seems to know for sure. It's either the ginger or Wade Barrett."

"Sheamus? Really?"

"He's the one Cody walked in on her with. But she's always around Barrett. He's forever hanging around Hair and Makeup."

"I heard she had something going with Orton..."

The rumor mill was in full swing. Joanna fought to keep her expression impassive, pretending she couldn't hear the whispers between Divas across the room. One glance in the mirror told her that Ted had heard every word.

"Don't pay any attention to them," he murmured.

"Hard to do when I hear it all day," she replied, patting his shoulder to indicate she was finished.

"It's only been a few days. Give it time, something else will come along for them to dig their claws into."

She doubted it. Even after three days off, her broken relationship with Cody was a hot topic. She couldn't enter a room backstage without hearing whispers about why she had turned him down. She was cheating on him, he was cheating on her. Followed by a list of people with whom they'd been cheating. The list included nearly everyone on the roster, half the crew and even staff at local venues.

Joanna wondered how either of them got their jobs done over the past few months, considering how many people they'd allegedly slept with.

"Are you okay?" Ted asked gently as he stood.

She shrugged. Ted had approached her almost as soon as she'd checked into the hotel that morning. He hadn't been surprised that she'd turned down Cody's proposal and had wanted to make sure she was okay. The concern in her eyes was akin to someone offering comfort after the death of a close relative. Then he'd told her what he'd known. She knew she should be mad at him; after all, they were friends, right? But now she was just tired of the whole ordeal. Impossible though it was she wanted to forget the past four years.

"You know you can talk to me, right? My door's always open."

"I know," she murmured. "I'll—"

She stopped, frowning down at the comb in her hand. The room was filled with a new tension now and she couldn't figure out why. Realizing that the whispers across the room had stopped, she glanced up to see Cody had entered. Her teeth bit down on her bottom lip upon seeing him – it was the first time since her last night of work.

His split lip was no longer swollen. The bruise on his chin was gone. The black eye, which had been a spectacular shade of nearly-black and purple when she'd last seen him, was now barely visible. His face was a mask of scrutiny and it was focused on her.

"I'll see you around, Joanna." Ted patted her shoulder before slipping away.

_Traitor_, she thought as Cody headed straight for her. His gait was steady, measured, bringing to mind a windblown ghost town in an old Western movie. She half-expected a tumbleweed to roll past as he approached.

"I want to talk to you."

Joanna drew in a deep breath and jammed the comb into the jar of antiseptic on the table. "About what?" she asked, keeping her voice low. She was painfully aware of the Divas still lingering across the room.

"Us." He rested his hands on the table, blocking her from escaping. If he noticed that she went rigid at his closeness, he didn't let on. "Come on, babe—"

"There's nothing about 'us' to discuss, Cody," she interrupted, turning to face him. "I cheated. You cheated. It's obvious neither one of us were happy, so why force the issue?"

"Because I love you." Cody looked over his shoulder when he heard the Divas whispering.

She had no idea what expression he gave them, but the whispering and giggling stopped. She was astounded when she heard footsteps and tilted her head in time to see the three women hurry out of the room. Mel and Samantha were right behind them, the latter saying something about grabbing a bite to eat before the rush started. Turning her gaze to Cody's face, she sighed. "If you loved me you wouldn't have cheated on me."

"You cheated too, Joanna."

"With one person. One. 'I fucked a few other people' remember?" she prodded, still able to feel the shock that had swept through her at his blasé statement. "How many was it, Cody?"

"That's not important, Jo," he groaned.

Of course it wasn't. "You're right, it's not," she agreed after a moment. "Because we're through and you can fuck all the other people you want."

"Why, Joanna? Of all people, why him? What does he have that I don't?"

It would have been easier to list their similarities, which were so few she probably could have counted them off on one hand. But she knew Cody. He wouldn't be satisfied with a long, drawn out answer. His main worry was no doubt his libido, or the size of the appendage that made him a man. "A heart," she whispered after several long moments had passed. "He has a heart."

He looked confused, then began to laugh. There was a sarcastic twist to the sound that made it grate on Joanna's nerves. "Oh, I don't have a heart?" he snorted, pushing away from table and giving her space. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I never kid," she sighed. She rubbed her aching temples. "Can you please go now? I have to get ready for work."

"No. Not until you tell me what went wrong between us. How did we get here, Jo?"

She blinked in surprise at the softness in his voice. His eyes conveyed worry, an emotion he rarely showed. Cody was never worried about anything. Even when he was slated for a losing streak, he kept his head held high, knowing his push would come. "If I knew that... I would have tried to fix us." He scoffed, but she shook her head. "I would have. But after months of attempting to think of a way to do that I realized it was impossible. And if you'd cared you wouldn't have just brushed off all my worries about us."

"I didn't brush them off," he groaned.

"Every time I brought them up you got distracted. It was either a new book you just had to read, or your favorite show was about to come on. Or the phone rang and you had to talk to your dad, your brother. Or hell, I don't know, your latest fling."

"I didn't get distracted. Hell after a while all you did was complain. We didn't go out enough. I didn't make enough time for you. Something was always wrong. Put yourself in my shoes for a minute, Jo." He stepped forward and took her hands between his, forcing her to meet his gaze again. "What would you have done if I'd come to you every other day about something that was wrong in our relationship? It got to the point that you never had anything positive to say. And don't dare say there was never any positive, because there was." His thumbs stroked the backs of her hands, a touch so gentle and sweet it brought tears to her eyes. "But I didn't want to deal after a while."

"Then why did you stay, Cody?" she choked out.

"It was comfortable. You were comfortable." With lightning-quick reflexes he reached up to brush the tear from her cheek. "But it wasn't a bad thing. It's like pulling on your favorite pair of jeans or sliding into a worn-in t-shirt. Or when you've been on the road for two weeks straight and you get home and fall into your bed. That's what it was for me, Jo. Something I could wrap myself in and forget everything. Everything but you."

"Cody..." He was going to make her cry. She was already tearing up again.

"Why did you stay?" he whispered.

"Like you said, it was comfortable." She felt her heart lurch when he brushed another tear away. This time he lightly cupped her cheek, his thumb moving back and forth across her skin. "I didn't want to rock the boat. And everyone was always saying how perfect we were together. But we weren't, Cody. We never were."

"I know," he whispered." He released her, one hand moving to scratch the back of his head. She recognized the gesture; it was something he always did when he was confused.

"Then whey push it? What's the point of going through all this?" she asked, breath hitching in her throat when he dragged his hands down his face.

"You tell me, Jo." He reached for her, the tip of his thumb sweeping away yet another tear. "If you didn't care, you wouldn't be crying," he breathed. He took a deep breath and stepped away again. "I wasn't the only one that settled. You did too. Ask yourself why."

Joanna could only watch, a mixture of horror, disbelief, and anxiety twisting inside her stomach and chest, as he left the room.

* * *

_If you didn't care, you wouldn't be crying._

The words echoed in her brain for hours, drowning out every other thought and worry that tried to creep up as she did her job. She was a mess before she'd finished working on her third person. Samantha took pity on her and suggested she take the rest of the night off to get herself straight.

Now seated in the hotel room she was sharing with Stephen, she chewed on her bottom lip as she stared at the laptop screen. The pointer hovered over the folder of old pictures, which she hadn't looked at in so long she'd all but forgotten what the folder contained. Did she really want to do this?

_Click, click_. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. But the pictures were on her screen now and she double-clicked the first, continuing to chew on her lip as the memories began to flood back.

She and Cody about to go on their first date. She vividly recalled Randy snapping the picture, teasing them both as though they were teenagers leaving to go to prom. A series of photos of Cody followed. Not the professional, studio portraits that his fans drooled over, but candid, random shots that no one but herself would appreciate. Him scowling over a cup of coffee, hair mussed from sleep and the skyline of New York City just visible over his shoulder. Him grinning, standing at the base of the Statue of Liberty. A photo of him asleep on her parents' couch, her mother's cantankerous old cat curled up on his chest.

The early days, she always called them. Nonstop tourist trips at each city they visited, holding hands while a bored-sounding tour guide droned on. Trying out local delicacies in a hurry because they had to be back at the arena within twenty minutes. Staying awake half the night, going from making love to talking in the wee hours of the morning. Falling asleep in each others' arms, only to wake up in a few hours and do it all again.

As she watched the photos scroll across her screen, her heart broke. She missed the couple portrayed. Yes, she had faked a lot of the emotions and smiles at first, but she had grown to love him as time passed. They'd had fun. As he'd said, there had been a lot of positive.

She shook her head, closing the slideshow and the folder. Opening up the next, she felt the sadness wash away as photos from the past year and a half loaded. This, she reminded herself, was what they had become. The couple that rarely smiled unless they felt forced to. The couple that, in the photos sent to her by their friends, usually had at least several inches of space between them. It seemed in each picture that she looked at, his attention was on something else.

Other women.

Her lips formed a thin line as she viewed a picture from the past Christmas season. It was a group of them at a quick party someone had thrown after a taping of Smackdown. Her gaze locked on Stephen, who stood next her in the picture, arm tossed casually over her shoulder as Drew loomed behind them pulling a comical face. Then her attention moved to Cody. She had never noticed before that Cody's arm had been around a particular Diva, nor that said Diva was turned into him as though they were intimate.

"Fuck you, Eve," she breathed, slamming the lid of her laptop down as furious tears filled her eyes. She'd been so blind. So stupid. "And fuck you Layla, Eden, Kelly, and whoever else caught his wandering eye."

_If you didn't care, you wouldn't be crying._

"Bullshit," she muttered as the door to the room opened. She looked up as Stephen entered, surprised to see him still wearing his _Great White_ t-shirt. His hair was still spiked and when he saw her his shoulders lifted and fell with a sigh of relief.

"There yeh are. Ah was worried." He dropped his two bags by the door and pushed it shut with one foot. "Stu told me yeh left early. Yeh alright?"

"Yes... No... I don't even know anymore," she sighed, pushing her laptop away and getting to her feet. She had barely taken one step towards him when she was wrapped in his arms. The kiss he pressed to her forehead was chaste but held more meaning than any kiss she'd ever had from another man. Her own shoulders rose and fell with a sigh and she pressed her face to his chest. "You didn't have to rush from the arena."

"Ah wanted to make sure yeh were alright. And yer not. Tell me," he insisted gently.

"Stephen, you're still sweaty from your match. Take a shower and then I'll tell you." She slipped a kiss to his cheek. If anything, perhaps his shower would give her the time needed to make sense of everything. Or at least some of it.

"Ah'll be alright, love." He released her and moved to sit on the bed. Tugging gently on her arm he guided her to sit next to him. "What happened?"

Resting her head on his shoulder as they settled back against the pillows, she took a deep breath and told him. She felt him tense when she spoke of Cody's impromptu visit, and wasn't sure he relaxed at all until she finished speaking.

She knew from his silence that he was trying to control his anger before he spoke. Knowing it would be best to wait until he formulated the words properly, she sighed when the silence was broken by her phone vibrating wildly against the nightstand. Leaning over, she saw Cody's name on the screen and was quick to press _Ignore_.

"Joanna—" Stephen began a moment later, only to be interrupted by the phone again.

"Ugh," she grumbled, pressing _Ignore _as quick as possible. "If it happens again, I'll turn it off."

The words had barely left her mouth when the phone vibrated again and Stephen groaned. "Yeh want me to take care of it?"

Joanna sighed, one arm leaving him to grope behind her for the annoying gadget. "No, I've got it." Just as she grasped it the vibrations stopped. She almost tossed it aside again but brought it forward to look at the screen. Seeing that a new message awaited her she brought it up and nearly closed it when she saw it was from Cody. But the words on the screen made her heart plummet. Without a word she pulled away from Stephen, continuing to stare at the screen as though the phone held all the answers to the questions suddenly burning in her mind.

_Dad's in the hospital. Heart attack. It's bad. Please call me._

**A/N: Why yes, I did end it there. Not sorry.**

**Thank you all so very much. The reviews, the alerts, the subscriptions. You folks get ALL MY FEELS.**

**Shout out to my fellow Americans – Happy Independence Day! 'MURICA!**


	10. Nine

9.

Cody had barely gotten the words out when Paul told him to take the next flight to Tampa. He managed a stuttered 'thanks' before ending the call, then turned to cram his things into his bags. Body numb, he could only think of the horrendous words that had caused his world to stop. He had known something was wrong as soon as he'd seen the missed calls from his mother and brother when he'd finished his match. And when he'd called back, his mother's sobs had confirmed his fears.

_"The doctor said it was a heart attack. Please come home, Cody."_

A heart attack. All his life, he'd watched footage of his father get beaten down in the worst way. He could vividly remember sitting in a hard plastic chair next to his mother, waiting for the doctor to set a broken bone or stitch up a cut. Each time, his father had come back stronger than before. Each time, Cody's faith that his father was unstoppable was restored.

Sinking down on the foot of the bed, he pressed his hands to his face. A shuddering sigh pulled from the depths of his lungs and he cursed the tears that welled in his eyes. His father wasn't some immortal being. Life wasn't a video game, there would be no restore point. And what if, this time, he didn't come back?

For the first time in ages, he began to pray.

When he finished he stood, swaying momentarily as his worst fears came back. He had to rush to the bathroom, barely making it in time before the contents of his stomach came up violently. He gripped the cold porcelain until his knuckles turned white, berating himself for being so weak.

_Dad needs you. Mom needs you. Get a fucking grip._

The cold water he splashed on his face did little to refresh him. He caught his reflection in the mirror and turned away, not liking the expression on his face. Legs still unsteady he made his way into the bedroom as his mind scrambled. There was so much to do. He had to get a ticket to Tampa. He had to get to the airport. He had to call Dustin and find out everything that was known so he would be better prepared when he got to Florida.

He picked up his phone and had just found the number for the airport when a gentle knock invaded the silence of the room. Opening his mouth to tell whoever it was to leave him alone, he jerked his head up in surprise when a familiar voice seeped through the wood.

"It's Joanna."

She had barely finished the statement before he was across the room. Flinging open the door, he stared at her in shock. He hadn't expected her to come. He had hoped she would call, had assumed she would send a text requesting he keep her updated. Her eyes were red from crying and he was reminded how close she'd been to his father.

_Is,_ he corrected, closing his eyes briefly. _You haven't lost him. You won't lose him. That old man is tougher than anything the world can throw at him._

"How is he?" she asked before he could speak. "Do you know anything?"

"No," he whispered. "Just that he's in the hospital. When I talked to Mom they were running tests. She's going to call me back when she knows more, but I'll probably be on the plane – Shit, I need to book my flight—"

"Cody," she cut in gently. "I'll do it for you, you make sure you have everything, okay?"

"You don't have to—" he sighed when it became apparent she would argue the point. He wasn't in the mood to argue. So, nodding, he turned back to gather the last of his things.

When he finished, he became aware of her voice across the room. It was gentle and soft as he remembered it usually being, but there was a tightness that was new. An anxiety that, for once, he hadn't caused. He perched on the edge of the bed, looking down at his trembling hands; finally he clasped them together to stop the shaking but the tremors radiated up his arms.

"Thank you, so much," Joanna murmured into the phone. Dropping the receiver into the cradle, she released a weary sigh. "There's a direct flight leaving at midnight. Tickets are reserved under your name. I got you two seats. I figured you'd want to be left alone."

Cody nodded. It was on the tip of his tongue to request she come with him. The thought of sitting alone on a plane for however long made him want to cry. She would calm him, as she did frequently. But he refrained, knowing now wasn't the time to ask for her support. She had already done more than necessary. "Joanna," he began, still staring at his hands. "I-I wish you'd come," he whispered, the words leaving him before he could censure himself. "Dad loves you."

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

It was possibly the twentieth time she'd asked since returning to their room. She chewed on her thumbnail as she looked into her toiletry case to make sure she had everything, fully aware of Stephen leaning in the doorway. He wasn't answering her. She released an almost inaudible sigh, so torn she wanted to scream. Her biggest longing at the moment was to curl up in Stephen's arms and forget everything and everyone else. At the same time, she felt needed in Florida. Not by Cody's mother, brother, or sister – and especially not by his father – but by him. And not for any romantic or underhanded reasons. It was simple: the man was too broken to go alone.

She could have told him to get Randy or Ted to go with him, but her reasons leaned a little to the selfish side as well. She adored the man lying in the hospital down in Florida. Before she and Cody had started to date, she had grown a fondness for the wrestling legend that made sporadic appearances at shows. Off camera he was one of the sweetest men in the world, and when she had accompanied Cody home one weekend the man known to legions of fans as Dusty Rhodes had welcomed her with open arms.

_"Come sit down with me, honey child, and tell me all about yourself."_

Honey child. Ever since that first day, that was what he had called her. Backstage when he was making an appearance, on the phone when she called to verify plans, at family cookouts. Just thinking of his voice saying the words brought tears to her eyes.

_Please, God, let him be okay_, she prayed for umpteenth time since hearing the news.

A pair of hands cupped her shoulders from behind and she turned to bury her face in Stephen's chest. Sobs escaped her as she clung to him, finally able to release her worries in the form of tears.

"This is why yeh need to go," he whispered, hands moving in a soothing manner over her back. When his fingers reached the back of her head she leaned back to look up at him. "Yeh told me he's been like a father to yeh, love. Ah can't let you sit here not knowing how things are."

"But—"

"Shh," he intervened. "Yeh need to go and make sure for yerself that he's going to be alright. I know yeh, Joanna. If yeh do go and see him in person yeh'll be beating yerself up for days." He pressed his lips to her forehead.

"But Cody—"

"If he's half as upset about things as I think he is, he's not interested in trying to win yeh back by now. And even if he were, I trust yeh." His blue-gray eyes stared into hers for a moment. "Ah love yeh, Joanna."

"I love you, too, Stephen." Her tears returned and her face moved again to his chest, breathing in his scent. It calmed her, but just a bit, and when his arms wrapped around her tightly she never wanted him to let her go.

* * *

"So ya just let her go?"

Stephen groaned at the question as he sipped his beer. Unable to sleep and knowing he wouldn't until he knew Joanna had made it safely to Florida, he had made his way to the bar downstairs. He had just taken a seat and ordered his drink when he'd been joined by Drew and Wade, who he sensed had been watching for him.

"Ah didn't just 'let her go,'" he stated in answer to Drew's question. "Yeh make it sound like Ah own her."

"But she's your woman. And she's on a plane to Florida with the man she just broke up with. The man that just asked her to marry him. The man she cheated on. With you." Drew tilted his head to one side. "You don't see anything wrong with this situation?"

Stephen sucked in a breath and took a moment before answering. The next sip of his beer tasted bitter on his tongue and he knew alcohol wouldn't make him feel better. "Ah trust her. And they're not going to Florida for vacation. They're going because his father had a heart attack."

"Hard to think of a man like Dusty being taken down by a heart attack," Wade murmured thoughtfully.

"Joanna's really upset. She's told me before that he's like a father to her. Even if Ah could've, Ah wouldn't have asked her not to go. She needs to go." He only wished he could have gone with her. "If she hadn't, she would have regretted it, especially if..."

He looked up to see Wade and Drew nodding silently in agreement to the thought he hadn't voiced. They all knew it was a possibility that the man would... He couldn't think the little world that would devastate the entire company. Wetting his lips, he pushed his beer away and motioned to the bartender to order something stronger for each of them.

When the shot glasses were placed in front of them and filled with the amber liquid, each man looked to the others.

"To Dusty," Drew murmured, raising his glass.

"To Dusty," Wade and Stephen echoed, raising theirs as well.

* * *

Joanna hated hospitals. Ever since she had watched her grandmother waste away in one so many years before, just the sight of the building made her stomach clench and her throat close up. But as she entered Tampa General, still wearing the heavy coat she had put on before leaving Ohio, she forced the sickly feelings away, knowing she should focus on the issue at hand.

Cody grasped her hand tightly as he led the way to the elevators. He hadn't spoken since getting off the plane, but she knew he was too worried about his father to think about trying to carry on a conversation. She didn't mind the tight hold on her hand or the fact she had to jog to keep up with his stride. Once on the elevator she pulled her hand free so she could remove her coat.

"Cody," she ventured softly, touching his arm. He still wore his coat as well and didn't resist when she tugged on it to pull it from his body. Draping both coats over one arm, she hugged them to her chest as the elevator slowly ascended. She closed her eyes briefly, the words that had become a mantra over the past hours echoing in her mind.

_Please let him be okay. Please, God, let him be okay._

The elevator lurched to a stop. Her eyes snapped open and she felt as though she had left her stomach down on the first floor. Cody was out before the doors opened fully and she hurried to follow him, heart pounding harder in her chest with each step she took.

When they reached the private waiting room she hesitated in the doorway as her former boyfriend was grabbed up in a hug by his mother. Michelle began to sob and Joanna felt her heart break. Dustin was there, as was Kristin. Cody's sister joined in the hug and Dustin turned to Joanna as the sobs increased in volume.

"How is he?" she whispered as the coats were pulled from her grasp.

"It was massive," Dustin murmured. "You want some coffee?" When she nodded he tossed the coats onto an empty chair and, hand on her shoulder, turned to guide her out of the room. "They took him in for surgery about an hour ago. They tried to do a coronary artery stent but it failed for some reason. He was stable, so they wheeled him back." He sucked in a breath, obviously trying to be the strong one in his family for the time being. "It could be eight hours before we hear anything."

Joanna nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Tears stung her eyes and her heart broke all over again. If things turned south, Cody would never forgive himself for not being there in time to see his father. The mantra kicked in again as they reached the vending machines. Dustin's hands shook as he fed money into the machine for coffee.

Cups in hand, they returned to the waiting room. Joanna went to give Michelle a hug and found herself wrapped in a tight embrace as the woman assured her that "their Virgil" would be okay. She found herself saying things that people always said in the same situation. He would be okay. He was strong. He would kick this and be back on his feet in no time. Better, faster, stronger than before.

But as she sank down in a chair she knew the words meant nothing. There were no guarantees. Here today, possibly gone tomorrow. She knew she could learn from this, that she could take it as a lesson to seize each day as though it could be her last. Because it was possible that tomorrow would never come.

Silence settled over the room as she and the others positioned themselves for a long, tense wait.

At some point, Cody moved to sit with her. Minutes passed like hours until his arm slipped around her shoulders, and when her head rested on his chest she felt him start to relax. His lips pressed to the top of her head and she curled closer to him.

"He's going to be okay," she whispered after what seemed like an hour had drifted by.

"I hope so."

From her seat she watched the black windows shift to a murky gray before lighting up fully. Brilliant Florida sunshine came into the room, giving it a cheery atmosphere that belied the true purpose of the area. Her gaze moved to the arrangement of fresh flowers on the coffee table. A soft sigh pulled from her lungs, wondering how many deaths had been announced in the room. How many families had been irrevocably broken? How many lives shattered?

She heard the tone going over the PA but it didn't register at first. A female voice called out a code and she sat up straight upon realizing there was a problem in the operating room. Not just any operating room. The cardiac surgery unit.

Michelle released a sharp cry. Kristin and Dustin, sitting on either side of her, paled considerably. Next to Joanna, Cody tensed, the arm around her shoulder resembling stone.

Out in the hallway, rapid footsteps approached and rushed by. Shoes squeaked on the tile floor, harried voices not carrying into the room.

"I need to get outta here," Cody announced softly. His arm fell from her shoulders; he grabbed her hand. "Walk outside with me?"

Joanna nodded, rising on shaky legs to stand when he did. She vaguely heard him assure his mother he'd be right back, that he just needed to clear his head. She followed his lead out into the hallway and was unable to keep from looking in the direction the nurses and doctors had rushed towards barely a moment before.

Outside, she squinted in the sunlight. Following him along the sidewalk away from the entrance, she had no idea what his destination was but was powerless to stop him. When he released her hand she saw they were next to a bench tucked against the side of the building. Her eyes rested on the sign on the wall – _Designated Smoking Area_ – and she sighed. "Cody—"

"It's just a cigarette, Joanna. I'm not snorting cocaine."

"Because smoking a cigarette while your father is having bypass surgery is a good idea," she muttered, folding her arms across her chest. She looked away when he dug into his pocket. Seconds later she heard the click of a lighter, then wrinkled her nose when the acrid smell of cigarette smoke wafted by. "This doesn't help, Cody..."

"I've got to do something. I can't sit up there waiting for the bad news."

"You don't know for sure that it's going to be bad news," she murmured, even though she had been thinking the same thing.

"He's sixty-six years old. He's overweight. His body is already breaking down from his years in the ring. Tell me his odds are good."

"His heart—"

"Is obviously breaking down, too."

She looked to him and saw the tears trickling down his face. The cigarette hung limply from his fingers, now forgotten. "Cody—"

"He can't die." The words were a gasp as his cigarette fell to the ground and he sank down on the bench, burying his face in his hands. "He's everything to me, Joanna. I already lost you, I don't want to – I can't lose him. Not now." He shivered when she sat next to him, and when she placed a hand on his arm he trembled. "He doesn't even know you broke up with me."

"...What?" she murmured, certain she'd heard the last statement wrong. She had no way of coinciding the one fact with his previous, panicked words.

"I was going to tell him when I came down this weekend. Nobody knows, Joanna."

"It doesn't matter now," she attempted to assuage. "I'm not bitchy enough to care about that while all this is going on. When the time is right you can tell them."

"I didn't tell you thanks," he whispered after a few moments. "You... You didn't have to come with me. I know you didn't come for me, but for Dad, but I do appreciate it. If he knew you were her, it would mean a lot to him."

She nodded, having no idea what to say. A hand covered hers and she glanced down to see his fingers slide between hers, giving a gentle squeeze. She supposed that, in a way, she was there for him, too. He needed support just as much as his mother did. If not more, considering everyone was rallying around Michelle.

"I miss you," he breathed. "I miss being able to hold you and knowing you'll be there when I wake up."

"Cody—" Joanna broke away when she felt her phone start to vibrate within her pocket. Grateful for the distraction, no matter what it was, she hopped to her feet and moved further down the sidewalk. She saw it was a message from Stephen and smiled faintly at his words. Breathing a sigh of relief that the moment with Cody had been broken, she replied to the message, promising she would update him when she could.

"Joanna."

She turned to see Cody on his feet. Phone in one hand, his face paler than she'd ever seen it before, she knew something was wrong. His mouth moved but no sound came out.

"He's coding again," he finally croaked. "He's dying, Joanna."

**A/N: ...Don't look at me like that. Love you all! :)**


	11. Ten

10.

"I can only give you five minutes."

Cody nodded at the nurse that had led him down the cold, sterile corridor. His mother, brother, and sister had already been, but neither would tell him what to expect. The sickly antiseptic smell filled his nostrils as he stepped into the cubicle that was his father's room. There was a steady, rhythmic beeping from the heart monitor and his knees weakened. Forcing himself forward he gripped the thick plastic railing, staring down at his father's still form.

He was alive, but barely. From what Cody understood, his father's heart had tried to give out three times while on the operating table. Whether it was the old guy's stubbornness, the surgery team's refusal to let him go or all the prayers that had been sent heavenward during the surgery, he didn't know. He would just be forever grateful that his father had survived.

"God," he breathed, unable to tear his gaze from the pale shadow of the man he knew. Were it not for the machines surrounding the bed that beeped and whirred as they kept track of his pulse, blood pressure, and breathing, he wouldn't have known the man was alive. "Dad," he whispered, tightening his grip on the railing.

"You can't die," he managed. Tears – anguish, relief, worry – blurred his vision and he ducked his head as though his father could see. "You can't." He reached to touch him but hesitated, not sure if it was allowed. But the need to feel that strong hand, the hand that had meted out discipline when he'd been a child before clapping him on the shoulder as a teenager until finally gripping his in the firm handshake of a grown man, was so strong he reached forward. "I know I should tell you that you have to stick around for Mom's sake, or to see your grandkids, but, dammit, I'm selfish. I need you to stick around for me."

He paused to blink away his tears, not caring when they spilled down his cheeks. "I can't let go of you yet," he continued, clasping the cool, motionless hand between his. "You've taught me so much already, but I need to know more. I need to know how to balance everything. I need you to tell me when I'm being a damn idiot and deserve a slap. I need you to praise me when I'm doing something right. Hell, I need you to show up on Smackdown and embarrass me in front of the world."

Was he imagining those long fingers tightening against his palm? He looked down, saw the dark spots on the crisp white sheet where his tears had fallen.

"More than anything, I need your advice. Things are so messed up and crazy right now. Joanna – she's here, by the way. Nothing could have kept her from coming down here to make sure you were going to be okay." He sniffled, lifting one shoulder to wipe the tears from his face. He thought he felt those fingers tightening again. "Yeah, I know, you love her. 'Don't you ever fuck things up with that girl.' Remember when you told me that?"

Why he waited, he had no clue. He could almost hear his father's voice – _What the hell did you do, Son?_

"I fucked things up with her," he admitted. "And now I think someone else has stolen her heart from me. Or maybe I tossed it aside because I assumed she'd always be there, and he picked it up and put it where it belonged." A mirthless chuckle rumbled in his throat. "Look at me, Dad. Deep thoughts from the wayward son."

For some reason he looked up to his father's face. He would have sworn one corner of his mouth lifted in a smile, but it was difficult to tell with the breathing tube. Besides, it was impossible.

"I don't deserve her, I know. I never did. But I love her. Despite everything I did to her, and what she did to me, I love her. I always will. And the thought of just letting her go..."

_So what are you gonna do, boy?_

"I don't know," he whispered, as though the question had truly come from his father. As though, miraculously, the man had started to speak while still unconscious from surgery. "That's why I need you. Please pull through this, Dad. For me. And for Mom. And Dustin and Kristin and Joanna, and the grandkids, and everybody that loves you."

He knew his time was up when he heard the gentle clearing of a throat behind him. Nodding, he squeezed the hand between his. "I'll see you soon, Dad," he murmured. He leaned over, pressed a kiss to the pale cheek, something he hadn't done in years. "I love you."

His feet were heavy. He plodded back up the corridor, through the heavy door that barred unauthorized entrance. It swung shut with a loud click and he jumped at the sound. Pulling his gaze from the floor so he could make his way into the waiting room, he saw Joanna almost right in front of him.

She looked as exhausted as he felt. Her hair, tousled and unkempt from a night of no sleep, was in a messy ponytail. Her eyes were still red from tears, dark circles beneath them. Without looking he knew her clothes, which she'd been wearing since leaving Toledo, were rumpled. She had to be dead on her feet, but her eyes were smiling with relief. And she was reaching for him.

She had never looked more beautiful.

He accepted her embrace, returned it. He pressed his face into her hair, breathing in the faint aroma of her shampoo as more tears began to fall.

A hand fell on his arm and he glanced up to see Dustin. His older brother nodded. "You two need to go get some rest. Kris just took Mom home. Go get some sleep, there's no need for all of us to be here."

Cody nodded, pressed a kiss to the top of Joanna's head. "Let's go home, babe."

* * *

The house – which they'd shared for more than a year now – had an empty feel to it. The dogs were at Cody's parents' house, and as he kicked the front door shut he muttered he'd go pick them up later. Joanna nodded, kicking off her shoes at the base of the stairs as she always did before going up. It occurred to her that she needed to find a new place but that wasn't important at the moment. Her things were still here and there: knickknacks tucked on shelves, photos on the wall. The thought of going through and clearing out everything that belonged to her made her head hurt.

She hesitated before going into the master bedroom. Too weary to bother with making one of of the guest beds, she undressed as she crossed the room and fell face-down onto the large bed, reveling in the surroundings of blue and white. The only colors they had been able to agree on. Groaning into her pillow, she wriggled the comforter and sheet down so she could slide beneath them. She felt the mattress shift, then Cody's hand on her shoulder. Turning onto her side, she met his gaze.

"This is okay, right?" he asked, gesturing between them.

She nodded. "It's stupid to waste time making another bed," she murmured, tucking one hand under her pillow. "We're just getting some rest, anyway."

"Thanks, again," he murmured. His fingers found the elastic holding her hair in the ponytail and easily pulled it free.

"He's going to be okay, Cuddles," she promised. She didn't resist when he settled in front of her. His left arm slid beneath her and she slipped her head to rest on his shoulder, sighing when he began running his fingers through her hair. It seemed so natural; it was almost second nature.

"How long are you going to stay?" he asked after a moment.

She opened one eye to look up at him. "I told Sam and Mel I'd be back the day after tomorrow. I'm hoping he'll be awake before then."

"He will be." His fingers swept over her cheek before resting on her bare shoulder. He slipped a kiss to her forehead, then her cheek. "Get some rest," he murmured against her skin.

She turned her head, fully expecting him to settle back at the same time, and gasped when their lips met. He tensed, with surprise she was sure. When she didn't pull back immediately he relaxed.

"Joanna," he groaned, breaking the kiss. He reached beneath the covers, his hand cupping her hip. A soft breath fanned across her cheek as he easily pulled her over him. Her breasts crushed against his chest, sending a cascade of heat through her body. The sudden awareness caused her nipples to harden, the thin tank top doing little to conceal the reaction. He wet his lips, eyes flashing, then finally leaned up to capture her lips in a true kiss.

"Cody," she breathed in surprise as her legs effortlessly straddled his hips. Attempting to get over the shock, she felt her body tingle in anticipation. Her lips parted for his tongue. The spark between them flamed and she returned the kiss, desperate to cling to the signs of life. To push away the depressing fog that threatened to smother them.

"I'm sorry for everything," he whispered, his hand sliding to the back of her neck. He pulled her closer, fingers tightening on her hip. "I'm so sorry, babe."

"I'm sorry too," she promised, arching tighter against him. She gasped at the feel of his fingers on the small of her back, massaging lightly before slipping beneath her tank top. She sucked in a breath when his thumb stroked the skin just below her navel before trailing upward.

"Thanks for letting me stay in here," he mumbled, hand leaving her neck to cup her backside. The heat of his fingers seared her through the material of her panties, drawing a hard moan from her throat.

"Anytime." Her hands skittered down his chest, nails lightly scraping his skin at the feel of his hand on her breast.

"God, Joanna – shit!" he yelped when she jerked away.

She pressed a hand over her mouth, eyes wide as she scrambled to climb off him. "Shit," she muttered when the movements only caused her to press even tighter against the firm ridge of his arousal.

"We can't do this." His hand left her breast before he helped her off his lap.

"Bad idea, very bad idea," she babbled, cursing when her foot tangled in the sheet. She shook it off as best she could before sliding off the bed.

"I'm sorry," he groaned, pressing his hands to his face. His chest rose and fell with each rapid breath, the evidence of his desire still pressing tightly against the front of his boxers. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

Her hand moved to cover her eyes. "I shouldn't have—"

"I guess I just wanted some comfort and—"

"It's as much my fault as it was yours—"

"Please don't hate me."

Having backed up to the wall, she had nowhere else to go. If she could have, she would have pushed herself through the drywall that was painted a soft blue. Hand still over her eyes, she bit down hard on her bottom lip and struggled to recall what had stopped her.

_God, Joanna._ The words from Cody's lips. Only she'd heard them in Stephen's voice. And she was grateful she had. Otherwise... Shaking her head, she finally lowered her hand, stepping over to the closet. It smelled of Cody's cologne, her perfume, the fabric softener they used, and cedar. She grabbed the heavy old bathrobe and pulled it on, needing to cover as much of her body as possible.

"I'll go sleep in the guest room," he announced as she exited the closet. He was standing now, a pair of sweats hanging low on his hips as he yanked a t-shirt over his head. "Neither one of us are in our right minds right now."

"Cody, I'm so sorry—" she cut off when he shook his head.

His shoulders rose and fell with a harsh sigh. "Yeah. I know." He grabbed the spare blanket from the bench at the foot of the bed. "Get some sleep, Joanna."

"Cody," she called, heart aching at the dejected tone of his voice. "Stay."

"So that can happen again?" he asked. He shook his head again. "No, Joanna. Even if we did spend most of the past year sleeping side by side without having sex... I won't put you in that position." His eyes met hers. "I love you too much."

She pulled her lips between her teeth and gave a shaky nod. Maybe he did love her that much. _Where was all that love when he was fucking every Diva in the company?_ she thought suddenly. The sympathy that had started to overwhelm her washed away. Turning her back to him, she waited until the door clicked shut behind him before moving again. She gathered her discarded clothes and tossed them onto the rarely-used armchair but not before digging out her cell phone.

Carrying the gadget to bed with her, she brought up her Whatsapp thread with Stephen. She composed and deleted a message several times, struggling to find the right words. Finally, she settled on two simple statements. _I miss you. I love you._ She watched the tiny icon until two check marks appeared, indicating the message had been sent.

Her eyes were starting to drift closed when the phone beeped with a new message. Alert again, she read his words. _Take care of yourself, love. How's Dusty?_

The one question opened the floodgates. Her fingers flew over the screen. Anxious to inform him of everything that had transpired since she'd left Toledo, she knew the statements were jumbled and probably made little sense. When she finished she flopped back against the pillows, struggling to stay awake long enough to read his reply.

It took him a few moments. She could picture his indulgent smile, knew he had shook his head as he read her rambling message. _Get some rest. Call me later. Tá grá agam duit._

_I love you too._ She turned off her phone and tossed it aside, burying her face in the soft pillowcase. Sleep came swiftly; when it did, there were no dreams.

* * *

As she approached the room in the cardiac unit, Joanna tightened her grip on the vase of daffodils she'd purchased from the gift shop. Michelle and Cody had both tried to prepare her for what she was about to see. He had stayed overnight in the ICU after the triple bypass surgery, where only immediate family could visit. Now that he had been transferred to the cardiac unit she could visit him. For only a few moments, which she prayed would be enough.

Dusty was awake. But he was in pain, despite the morphine. He drifted in and out of consciousness, and his voice wasn't as strong as usual due to the breathing tube.

But Joanna didn't care. All that mattered, in her opinion, was that he was awake. He was taking the first steps to recovering from the heart attack and the surgery. Taking a deep breath, she tapped on the open door before stepping inside.

And there he was. The head of the bed was raised to a forty-five degree angle, and he turned to look as she entered. He was pale. He looked tired, a little on the rundown side if she was honest, and older than his sixty-six years. Yet, the light in his eyes was the same. The smile was just as bright as she recalled.

"Honey child," he greeted softly. "I'd get up to hug you but they've got me naked as a jaybird under here."

The same old Dusty. Nothing would ever change him, she realized, setting the vase on the table by the bed. She leaned over him, careful not to bump into any of the lines connected to him, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You can get up to hug me next time I visit," she promised. He patted her cheek with his left hand, as he always did. Relief flooded her heart as she settled in the chair. "I'd ask how you're feeling, but..."

He smiled again. "I'm gonna be alright. Don't you worry your pretty little head about me."

"I got my worrywart gene from my mom, so you're just going to have to deal with it." She matched his smile. "And if you scare me like that again, I'm personally kicking your ass."

"If you don't sound just like Michelle. Crying because I'm alive and then blessing me out for scaring ten years off her life." He shifted, and the haggard face Joanna knew so well screwed up with pain. "I'm okay," he grunted when she sat up. He groped around on the bed. The beeping of the morphine pump filled the room, followed by his sigh. "Just a little twinge."

She answered his questions about work, shaking her head in disbelief. Only Dusty, she mused, would worry about her job when he was lying in a hospital. When she asked if she could do anything for him before leaving, he gave her a grin.

"If you could sneak me a chocolate milkshake, I'd love you forever. I know you can't though, so don't fret."

"I'll be back to see you soon." She found his hand, gave it a gentle squeeze as she leaned over to kiss him on the cheek again. "You take care of yourself, Dusty," she murmured, smiling when she felt his hand leave hers so he could give her a weak hug. "I love you."

"I love you too, honey child."

It took every ounce of her strength to keep from crying as she left the room. It wasn't that Dusty hated tears; he'd been known to let a few out himself on occasion. One of his biggest weaknesses was the tears of others. If someone he loved cried, he tried to do everything within his power to make the tears stop. So she waited until it was safe, until he couldn't see, before letting the tears fall.

He was going to be okay. But that didn't make it hurt less.

The goodbyes she shared with Cody were strained; there had been a new tension between them since the events of the day before. He walked her out to the waiting taxi and she was relieved when he didn't attempt to kiss her. She made it to the airport just in time for her flight, during which she stared, unseeing, out the window.

She had barely stepped off the elevator at the hotel when she was wrapped in a warm embrace. A soft gasp pulled from her throat and she dropped her purse to the floor, released her grip on the handle of her suitcase. She clung to his broad shoulders, breathing in the comforting mixture of aromas that was his unique scent. "I missed you," she whispered between kisses. It occurred to her that there was a hesitancy behind the shows of affection, but she brushed the thought away as his arms tightened around her. "I missed you so much."

"I missed yeh more." Stephen's lips were warm against hers; the hands framing her face chasing away the cold that had seeped to her bones in the hospital. He broke the kiss long enough to grab her purse and suitcase, then his lips were over hers again. Still hesitant, but more insistent as he guided her down the hall to his – their – room.

The door closed behind them and her things hit the floor with a thump. She was lifted against him, drowning in his kiss while being carried to the bed. Her heart alternated between pounding anxiously and tumbling over itself at the warmth he exuded. A warmth she desperately needed. She kicked off her shoes just before her back met the mattress, the cool sheets causing her to arch against him. Craving the feel of his skin against hers she reached to unbutton his shirt.

And whined when he caught her hands and drew them away.

"Yeh need to sleep," he whispered as he tore his lips from hers. They moved to her cheek, her forehead, then he was gone. "Yer so exhausted yeh can't see straight, love."

"But—" Her defense was waylaid by a sudden yawn. "I'm not that tired."

"Ah'll still be here when you wake up," he promised.

"But—" Joanna threw up her hands in defeat at the look he gave her. There would be no argument. With a sigh she leaned up to offer a quick, chaste kiss. "You're too sweet sometimes," she murmured.

Stephen shook his head as she made herself comfortable in the middle of the bed. Leaning over he pressed a tender kiss to her cheek, murmuring words of love before forcing himself to pull away. He crossed the room and looked out the window, but the view didn't catch his attention. A glance over his shoulder and he saw that she was asleep. He turned back, gazing at but not truly seeing the pine tree at the corner of the parking lot, he found his thoughts drifting to the messages she had sent him the day before.

The worries that he had pushed away over the past days had come rushing back upon reading the words. They had been a bit jumbled, had rambled a bit, but the statement had been clear. She'd almost had sex with Cody. Almost. He hated the word and all it entailed. _Almost._ How close had they come? What had made them stop? Which one had done the stopping?

He let his head fall forward to rest against the cool glass. More questions that needed answers. More problems that he had to face.

And the ever-present worry that she would go back to him.

**A/N: Amber, Jojo, Nikki, Shannon, Blackhat, boston246, and wickedly-pure – Thank you all so much for your reviews! Hopefully this chapter eased your minds regarding Dusty. As if I could ever kill off The American Dream. Anyway, again, thank you to all who've read, reviewed, favorited, subscribed, etc. You all warm the cockles of my heart. Love you! :)**


	12. Eleven

11.

Joanna smiled into the phone. "That's awesome news, Cody. No, really. Tell your mom if she needs anything..." she trailed into a chuckle at the man's assurance that his mother had everything under control. "Alright. Give him my love, okay? And keep me updated. Yeah, sure, see you Sunday." She ended the call and looked to Stephen. His eyebrows rose in question as he sipped his morning coffee. "Great news! Dusty's being removed from the machines. They hope to have him up and walking around tomorrow."

"That's very good news," Stephen agreed. "He's doing well, then?"

She nodded, idly stirring her own coffee. Assured that the sugar had dissolved she set the spoon aside and took a sip. "I'm so happy for him. He really needed some good news."

"'Him' who, Dusty or Cody?"

The question caught her off guard and she frowned as she lowered her cup. "Dusty, of course," she answered softly. "And Cody, too, really. The whole family."

"Ah." He gave a nod and continued to nurse his coffee. "Ah thought maybe yeh were more worried about Cody than the others."

Joanna's frown deepened. "In a way I guess I am. He's close to Dusty. They're closer than any father and son I know. Everything he does is talked over with his father beforehand." She pondered that statement. "Well, not _everything_, but you know what I mean."

"Ah know." He sighed, setting his cup down on the table between them. The diner, a few blocks from the hotel, boasted free refills. It also had the best waffles Joanna had eaten in a long time, though they were not settling well now that she saw Stephen's expression.

"Is this—" she cut off to gesture between them, hoping he would understand she meant the tension that had settled over them since her return the day before, "because I went to Florida?"

"No," he hastened to assure. "Ah wanted yeh to go, love. Yeh needed to, so yeh could see for yerself how he was."

"Then what is it?" she demanded as gently as possible.

Blue-gray eyes met hers and she finally saw the worry in them. One good look was all it took to realize he'd had little sleep the night before. When she'd awakened from her nap after arriving at the hotel he'd been looking out the window. It was his favorite spot to think, she knew. They'd ordered in a dinner and she'd fallen asleep in his arms while trying to watch a movie. She couldn't recall waking up any during the night, but knew in her heart he'd held her while she slept.

"Stephen," she murmured, reaching to cover his hand with hers. "What's wrong?"

"What happened with Cody down there?" he asked, turning his palm upwards so he could clasp her hand.

The question was barely audible but the implication was clear. His thumb stroked across her knuckles. A tender gesture that brought forth a flood of guilt. "Nothing happened." An eyebrow lifted and she sighed. "I'm sorry, Stephen. It almost did, but we both pulled away."

"Why?"

Joanna sighed, her free hand toying with the stem of her spoon. She knew he wasn't asking why she'd pulled away. "I don't know. It wasn't because he was just there. It was..." She drew in a deep breath and looked down at their joined hands.

"Because it was him?"

"Maybe a little," she admitted. "We both needed comfort and..."

"Love, look at me." When she did, he looked into her eyes for a long moment. "Do yeh still have feelings for him?"

She shook her head. "No. Not like that, Stephen."

"He was a part of yer life for years, love. Are yeh sure?"

"Positive. I haven't had those kinds of feelings for him in a long time." She breathed a bit easier when he gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I was stressed. Exhausted. I wasn't really thinking when we got into the bed. Not for sex," she said quickly, feeling his hand tense around hers. "It seemed silly for either of us to have to make up another bed. We were just going to get some sleep."

Stephen nodded, but she felt chilled beneath his intense gaze. His expression was guarded, giving her no indication of whether he believed her or not.

"I don't remember how we got from lying there assuring each other that Dusty would be okay to..." She had to say the words. As much for her sake as for his. "We kissed and it led to—"

"Yeh don't have to give me a play-by-play," he grunted. His hand left hers and he leaned back in the booth, eyes turning to steel.

"He said my name and I heard it in your voice. So I pulled back. I couldn't do that to you, Stephen. I'm sorry that I went as far as I did. I shouldn't have let it get that intimate."

"How intimate did yeh get?" he whispered. He rubbed his chin, a sigh pulling from deep within his chest. "Ah don't want to know, but Ah need to."

She wished they could have discussed this anywhere else. The diner wasn't the most private of places, though no one seemed to notice their presence. But for the few older men at the counter and the weary waitress that came over to top off their coffee, the place was empty. She was grateful for that. Taking a deep breath, she stared down into her cup and told him. She felt him relax, felt some of the tension ease as she described what had been happening when she pulled away from Cody. Still toying with the stem of her spoon, she looked up again. "He apologized, and went to the guest room to sleep. He said he didn't want to put me in that situation again. Stephen, I'm... Well, sorry doesn't cover how badly I feel. If I could—"

"Love," he murmured, hand returning to hers. "It's okay."

"If you want to – what?"

"Perhaps 'okay' isn't the right word. Ah don't like it, but Ah understand why it happened." His shoulders rose and fell with a sigh. "Yeh have a history with him. Like yeh said, the both of yeh were exhausted and stressed over Dusty's heart attack. Ah guess it's only natural for yeh to want some comfort."

"You're not mad?" she asked softly, surprise ringing in her voice.

"Just a little." He shrugged. "Doesn't do to focus on it. It was a mistake and yeh stopped it before it went too far."

In awe of him, she propped her hand under her chin. "How can you be so understanding about this? Anyone else would be ranting and raving and calling me a cheater."

"It's simple." He leaned forward, the hand not clasping hers brushing over her cheek. "Ah love yeh."

"I love you, too," she promised. "And I promise, I'll never let myself get into that type of situation again."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me."

Stephen's brow crinkled. "Yeh don't like it?"

"I love it! This is perfect," Joanna promised. She reached up to remove the band holding her hair in a high ponytail. Running her fingers through her streaked locks to smooth them, she then picked up a helmet and goggles. "I haven't done this in years."

"Ah didn't want to do something usual or boring—" Stephen cut off when she pressed a finger to his lips. He smiled behind her finger, offering a kiss to the digit as she pulled it away.

"Trust me, you're never boring." She leaned onto her tiptoes and smacked a kiss to his cheek. "But paintballing on our day off? I couldn't love you more right now if I tried."

Stephen took a step back when she patted his chest. He looked on in amusement as she pulled on the thick sweatshirt he'd suggested she bring along. It wasn't until she rolled the sleeves up to free her hands that he realized it was his sweatshirt. "That's going to be covered in paint, love..."

"I'll buy you another." She glanced over her shoulder to where Wade and Drew were donning their helmets. "Teams or solo?"

Stephen grinned at the competitive gleam in her eyes. She bounced on the balls of her feet, a bundle of energy. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. He knew she would have no problem unloading her stock of paintballs on them all if the need arose.

She answered the question herself as she chose one of the paintball guns lying on the counter. She didn't seem to go for the largest or most elaborate available to her, simply grabbing one of the first her hand brushed over. Looking to him with a wicked grin, she reached for a box of pellets. "Solo," she murmured. "Capture the flag, right?"

"Right," he confirmed as Wade and Drew joined them at the counter.

"Good luck, lass," Drew told her as he selected a gun. "Ya going to need it."

When she rolled her eyes and threw up her middle finger, Stephen knew that he and his friends were the ones needing all the luck.

* * *

Joanna winced as she attempted to peel off the sweatshirt, finally giving up when the pain in her shoulders flared. "That's okay," she breathed, painstakingly kicking off her shoes. "I can wear this forever. No problem."

She stooped to peel off her socks. The movement caused her to whine as the particularly painful spot on her backside burned. She was certain her body was covered with bruises and welts. Glaring down at her socked feet she sat on the bench in the womens' locker room.

The men had been brutal. She supposed she should be grateful they hadn't declared that anyone hit was out of the game. She hadn't realized that the three of them would turn into raving lunatics the moment the game began, though. Drew had shot her before she had taken her first step. Slowly pulling up one sleeve of the sweatshirt to reveal the pink welt on her forearm, she scowled.

They hadn't played fair. She was sure of that. She would swear in a court of law that Wade had fired at her well within the ten foot "no shooting" range implemented by the indoor arena. Some of the pellets hadn't burst on impact, and those were the spots she knew had angry welts now.

The door creaked open and she glanced up to see Stephen peeking in. Still wearing the clothes he'd worn out on the field, he was grinning from ear to ear. His shirt sported a large splatter of blue paint. One cheek was smeared with green.

He gave a cursory look around and pulled the door open further when she assured him she was alone. "Yeh alright there, love?" he inquired.

"Go to hell," she muttered. When he snickered, she narrowed her eyes. "You shot me!"

"Tell me yer not mad about that. It was just a game." He propped the door open with one hip, leaning his shoulder against the door frame.

"I know. But you still shot me. Seven times, even." She shot him a glare. "Did you come to gloat?"

"Ah'd never gloat, love. And Ah shot yeh eight times, but who's counting?"

"Be A Star, Stephen," she grumbled. Determined not to show signs of pain in front of him, she jerked one foot onto the edge of the bench and yanked off her sock. "And that English bas—"

"Now, now, Be A Star," he chastised.

"He stole the flag. Okay, he didn't steal it, but he shot me right when I was about to grab it. And he fucking laughed when I fell down."

"To be honest, when yeh fell..." Stephen's voice faded when she shot him another glare. "Are yeh saying yeh didn't have fun?"

"Actually, I did. It was a lot of fun. I promise." She felt her lips pull into a pleased smile as she yanked off her other sock. "How's Drew?"

He tried hard to refrain from smiling, she could tell. But his lips twitched and a chuckle rumbled from deep within his chest. "He'll live. What th'Hell did yeh do to him?"

"He deserved it," she promised. Sucking in a breath, she wrenched the sweatshirt over her head. The gasp of pain she tried to conceal came out louder than she would have thought.

"Yeh shot him in the crotch, love." As he spoke he moved further into the room. "He's hurting."

"So am I at the moment." The sweatshirt was taken from her grasp, then his hands were sliding up her arms. "And he really did deserve it, Stephen. I know it was a cheap shot, but... I don't regret it."

"What did he say?" Stephen's fingers brushed over a welt on her upper arm before reaching to help her peel off the layered tank tops she wore.

With a groan she shook her head. "It's not important right now. I'll tell you later," she promised as he helped her to her feet. Bracing her hands on his broad chest, she was caught off guard when he tipped her head back. "Really, don't – Oh," she gasped when his lips covered hers.

Her hands snaked up to clutch at his shoulders, sinking into the unexpected kiss. One palm cupped her cheek, the other sliding carefully along her back. "Yeh hurt," he mumbled against her lips when she arched away from his touch.

"Little bit," she agreed. A shiver rippled down her spine when his fingers nudged the waistband of her yoga pants. "I'll just look like I was attacked with marbles for a few days," she murmured as he broke the kiss, head tilting to one side as his lips created a trail from her mouth to her throat. "Stephen... Baby, what are you doing?"

He chuckled, pressing kisses down her throat then over to her shoulder. "Helping yeh get out of yeh clothes because yeh got hurt."

"Flirting with danger, Mr. Farrelly," she warned, but didn't pull away. His palm flattened against the small of her back, drawing her closer, and she tipped her head to catch his lips in a tender kiss.

All it took was the pressure of his tongue to make her understand just how dangerous he could be. There was a sudden shift in the kiss, one that had her knees weakening. Her fingers curled in his shirt. She barely felt the cold floor beneath her feet as he backed her against the closed locker. He commanded her body with the touch of his fingers, molding her to his will. Clothes were a hindrance and quickly removed and she gloried in the feel of his skin beneath her hands.

He palmed one breast, thumb stroking the nipple in the same manner his tongue teased hers. When his mouth left hers to close around the tortured peak she gave a strangled cry, biting down hard on her bottom lip. Her head fell back against the unforgiving locker door. The flames that had sparked with his kiss were now licking every inch of her body.

Her hands moved of their own accord, sliding through his hair. His tongue, teeth and lips were sweet torture and she trembled when they moved lower. "Ste—" She brought a hand to her mouth to muffle the sharp cry. She maintained a grip in his hair, managing a quick glance down as his tongue teased her entrance.

He was focused on her. His eyes locked with hers and she couldn't have looked away to save her life. The intensity of his gaze nearly sent her over the edge and just when her legs began to give out he was rising. Dropping kisses along her torso until he reached the hand over her lips.

"Ah've got you," he whispered when she trembled again. His hands gripped her waist and he hoisted her up until they were face-to-face. Seemingly of their own accord her legs parted, curving around his hips. Fingers slid up her body, lightly wrapping around her wrists. She gave a breathy gasp as he stretched her arms above her head, pinning them to the wall.

Just before he entered she was reminded of the warriors he spoke of occasionally. His eyes blazed, the green paint on his cheek stark against his milky skin. A low moan made its way up his throat as their bodies joined and she was gone.

When coherency returned he was still there. His eyes, darkened to cold steel, bored into hers as he continued to dominate her. When the grip on her wrists loosened she brought her hands to his shoulders, holding on as the waves of ecstasy continued to swirl around her.

His body tensed. When his lips captured hers again he took her breath away. A keening cry was muffled in her throat. Her legs tightened around him as he ceased his relentless thrusts. She felt his body ripple, heard the smothered growl as his hand slammed against the locker.

"Fuck," he breathed as his head dropped to her shoulder.

Joanna heard his palms slide down the slick metal then his hands were on her waist again. Still holding her up, his breathing a series of short gasps, he whispered her name. She brought a hand to his cheek, her own breathing erratic as their lips met in a tender kiss.

He remained, holding her against the locker. He seemed to know when the feeling returned to her legs, gently easing them from around his waist. When she was on her two feet again, he braced his hands on either side of her head. He offered another kiss.

"If you apologize for that, I'll shoot you in the crotch too," she warned after another moment had passed. Still not trusting her legs, she leaned against the bank of lockers and smiled up at him.

"Ah wouldn't dare apologize. That was fucking wonderful."

She shivered at his words. Pressing a hand over his heart, she leaned to brush her lips against his. "What brought that on?" she asked softly as he took a step back.

He leaned to retrieve his discarded clothes. All too soon he was buttoning his jeans. A wicked smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. "The thrill of victory, lass."

"Remind me to lose to you more often," she decided. His laugh filled the room and she smiled. Thoughts of taking a shower were forgotten as she picked up her pants. Stepping into them, she glanced around for the remainder of her clothes. "I love you," she whispered.

"Ah know. Ah love yeh too." His arm caught her waist when she walked past him. Scooping her close to him, he pressed a kiss to her lips. "And don't yeh ever lose on purpose."

"I won't, sir," she promised as she slipped away. His hand met her backside in a playful smack and she squealed. Paintball injuries forgotten, she snapped him with the tank top in her hand. Catching him on the chest she felt a surge of pride when he paused. Then, seeing the challenge in his eyes, she hurried to pull on the top. She picked up her shoes and socks, grabbing her bag from the bench as he continued to stare at her. "Race you to the car," she called over her shoulder as she darted for the exit.

* * *

Stephen watched the spoonful of ice cream as it was lifted from the bowl. It was the perfect consistency: soft, starting to melt a bit. A tongue darted out to catch the overflow, then the bowl of the spoon disappeared into her mouth. A pleased sigh as the spoon was withdrawn. His eyes followed the spoon as it was once again lowered to the bowl that rested in her lap. The sigh of longing left him before he could control it.

"Are you sure you don't want any?" she asked, eyes never leaving the TV.

"No, no, Ah'm fine." He pulled his gaze from the ice cream, focusing on the other snack foods that were arranged around her before finally dragging his focus to the TV. _Gone With the Wind_ was on. He knew it was one of her favorite movies, but he'd never realized that watching it meant gorging herself on junk food.

"Cheez-Its?"

"No."

"Twizzlers?"

"No."

The spoon scraped the bowl. The ice cream was almost gone. "Hershey's bar?"

He drummed his fingers against his thigh. "No, love. Ah'm fine."

She gave a shrug and lifted another spoonful. Another pleased sigh, this time with a soft hum of delight. "I think they used fresh strawberries."

Strawberry. Of course. He grunted an agreement, gaze firmly locked on Scarlett O'Hara as she spoke to her father about loving land. He tried to tune in to what was being said, because it was one of his favorite scenes in the movie, but the clink of silverware against china drowned out every other sound. Out the corner of his eye he saw another spoonful, this one dripping, and gave in to temptation.

Joanna yelped when he leaned to steal the ice cream from her spoon. She relinquished her hold and when he sat back with the bowl and spoon in hand her smile was smug. "Really? Stealing it?"

"Not stealing. Yeh offered some to me," he reminded, sitting up straighter in the bed. He chuckled when her hand pushed on his shoulder. He gazed at the small mound of ice cream on the spoon before taking it into his mouth. It had to be made from the richest ingredients possible, he decided as he savored the treat.

"Are you going to stop staring at me while I eat now?" she inquired when the bowl was empty and on the room service tray.

"Ah like watching yeh eat. Yeh make it seem like every bite is hand fed by the gods," he teased. He licked the last taste of the ice cream from his lips, draping his arm around her shoulder to pull her close.

"And you always eat as though it's going to be your last meal," she informed. Her lips brushed against his cheek before she settled in to watch the movie.

The crinkle of plastic, the aroma of chocolate. The smacking of lips. The aroma grew, as though the candy bar was directly under his nose.

"Sorry," she whispered as Scarlett and Mammy fussed onscreen. "Do you want some?"

Stephen groaned, letting his head fall back against the headboard. "Yeh gonna be the death of me, love."

She patted his chest, curling closer to his side. "Is that a no?"

With a growl, he took the chocolate she offered. "Yeh know how many empty calories this is?"

"So you spend another ten minutes in the gym," she sighed. "Now hush, this is my favorite part."

He chuckled, eying the chocolate ruefully before popping it into his mouth. Yes, it was her favorite part. Then again, they all were.

Just like every moment with her was his favorite.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for the lovely reviews! :) Hope you've enjoyed this installment. **


	13. Twelve

12.

Joanna took a deep breath, anxiously brushing her palms along her thighs before tapping at the door of the makeshift office. She waited, shifting from one foot to the other, until she heard the man inside bid her enter. Another deep breath and she opened the door, stepping inside.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" she inquired of the man seated behind the desk. He stood before she got through the door good and she was reminded once again that she was surrounded by giants.

"Joanna. Have a seat, please." A large hand gestured to the empty chair across from his. "Coffee?" he offered, already turning to the pot behind him. She murmured her assent, clasping her hands in her lap as she waited. "I always take it black... Sugar? Cream?"

"Sugar, please." Her voice sounded so weak. Almost strained. Clearing her throat, she spied the digital photo frame on the desk and smiled at the glimpse of Paul Levesque's children. A cup was handed over and she was grateful to have something to hold onto.

She had never been called in to meet this man. In fact, aside from occasionally handing him a bottle of oil backstage, she'd probably spoken to him only a handful of times since joining the company. She recalled meeting him the first time just after being hired on. She had since learned it was a normal thing for him to do with new crew members, but hearing the man she knew as Triple H tell her that she was as vital a part of the show as the on-air talent had meant more to her than anyone would realize.

She took a tentative sip of her coffee. It was a little on the sweet side but she didn't complain. Wrapping her fingers around the cup she glanced to him. "Have I done something wrong?" she ventured warily.

"No, no, not at all," he assured. He smiled, pushing a stack of papers to one side so he could prop his arms on the desk. "Stop looking so scared. I'm not going to give you the Pedigree."

She released a nervous laugh. "I wasn't thinking that..."

"And I'm not going to fire you because of rumors I've heard." He held up a hand when she opened her mouth. "They're just that. Rumors. It's none of my business. Things have cooled down now, anyway. Haven't they?"

"Yes, they have." For the most part, at least. There were still a few whispers, but no outright stares when she walked by.

"Good. You're happy here, aren't you, Joanna?"

"Happy doesn't describe it, sir. I love working for this company," she promised.

"I'm glad to hear that. You know we're approaching our one thousandth episode over on _Raw_. And I'm sure you've heard that we're going to be moving to three hours permanently starting on that night." When she nodded, he leaned forward a bit. "We need you over there."

"Well I – What?"

He chuckled. "We're going to need you. On the occasional three hour show we've managed to get by with the crew we have, but things are going to be bigger. Better. And we need more hands. Don't worry about Mel and Samantha, they can handle things here on _Smackdown_."

"Really? Me?" Joanna wrinkled her nose at the chirp that was now her voice. She was flabbergasted by the offer. She had loved working for live shows, where everything was hectic. She loved the grand production that was Monday nights. "I'm honored, sir."

"So I take it that's a yes?" Before she could answer, he lightly tapped the top of his desk. "If you need a few days to think it over, you can. I'm sure you'll want to talk to a few people before you make up your mind."

And she was reminded again that the man before her spent hours in the gym with Stephen. He was giving her the opportunity to talk this over with him, to see what he thought. She knew in her heart what his input would be, but she nodded. "Can I let you know in a couple days?"

"Absolutely. We'll want you to make the switch as soon as possible so you can get back into the swing of things." He sat back, his attention already moving to another detail he needed to see to before the taping. But he looked at her, his eyes showing a brief glimmer of concern. When he spoke again, his tone wasn't that of her boss. Instead, it was the voice of the man who'd given her advice four years before. "You know he's a good friend of mine, Joanna. I didn't select you for this to split you two up."

"I know," she murmured. She offered a smile. "Besides, he's on _Raw_ almost as much as he's on _Smackdown_. It's not like I'll never see him again."

"I just wanted to make sure you understood that. He... Well, I've seen what you mean to him."

She nodded. "Thank you. For the offer and for the reassurance." She took a final sip of her coffee and set the cup on the desk. "I'll let you know in two days."

"Two days," he confirmed. When she stood, so did he. His handshake was firm, and he moved to open the door for her. He placed a hand on her arm to stop her from exiting. "One word of advice, Joanna."

She looked up at him. "Yes?"

"If he doesn't like this, don't let that stop you from going after what you want. And keep your chin up. Things are going to get better."

Joanna smiled. "Thank you."

The door closed behind her and she exhaled loudly. Brimming with excitement, she headed towards the locker room. She wanted to holler out that she was going back to _RAW_ but refrained. Fully expecting to find Stephen, she let out a sigh of frustration when she found the locker room empty.

When she found him he was in catering. Plate piled high, phone to his ear, he flashed her a smile when she sat next to him. She could tell by the tone of his voice that he was speaking to someone from his family. His brogue always deepened when talking to someone from home. She slipped a piece of grilled chicken breast from his plate, waiting patiently as he finished his conversation.

"What are yeh doing, stealing me food?" he growled when he ended the call.

"This is payback for stealing my ice cream," she returned with a smile. "How's everyone doing back home?"

"They're all fine. Looking forward to me coming home soon." He slipped a kiss to her cheek. "Ah'm hoping to get a few days off so Ah can spend more than just a few hours with them."

"I just talked to Mr. Levesque," she blurted.

"So formal," he chuckled. "What about?"

She glanced around, saw that no one was within hearing distance. Still, she turned to face him and kept her voice low. "He offered to move me to _Raw_. They're going to need more crew members what with going to three hours and the thousandth episode coming up in July."

"And yer so excited yeh can't see straight right now," Stephen murmured. His smile was genuine. "Yeh loved working on the live show."

"I did. So much. But..."

"What?" he asked when she hesitated. He shifted, propping his arm on the back of his chair. "Love, don't yeh dare say no because of me."

"I'm not. I wasn't. What do you think, though?" she asked.

"It doesn't matter what Ah think. Or what anyone thinks. Do yeh want it, love?"

"I do. I love working here with everyone, but... I started on _Raw_. It'll be like going home, you know? I have good memories there. Here, too," she added when the corner of his mouth tugged upward. "I going to accept the offer."

"Ah thought yeh would. When do yeh leave?"

"He said as soon as possible so I can get back in the swing of doing the live show every week." Impulsively, she wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek to his. "Thank you," she whispered. "For being so understanding."

"It's just because Ah love yeh," he murmured. His arm circled her waist. "Want to celebrate after the show?"

"With ice cream?" she requested, laughing when he growled in her ear. She brushed her lips over his cheek before settling back in her seat, drumming her fingers on the table as he resumed eating. "And whipped cream. Suddenly I'm craving whipped cream."

The look he gave her was heated. He spoke not a word, but she felt a warmth spread through her body. He must have known the effect he had on her, for he smirked as he reached for his water. "And cherries, love. We can't forget the cherries."

"Maybe a little chocolate syrup, too," she mused softly. Mind still on gargantuan ice cream sundaes, her eyes widened when she saw his cheeks flush. She let her hand fall to his thigh for a gentle squeeze, then boosted herself to her feet. "It's going to be such a mess," she murmured as she leaned in close. "We should probably enjoy this celebration in our hotel room."

"That sounds like a good idea," Stephen conceded, voice husky.

"If any gets on you, I'll clean it up good," she promised. "And I need to go talk to Mel and Samantha about tonight's schedule. See you later." She dropped a kiss on his lips and headed away. She waited until she was out of his reach before glancing back at him.

His smirk was one of pure evil. One that spoke of plans being made for her comeuppance later. It was a smirk that sent a thrill down her spine and made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

She deserved it.

She couldn't wait.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?"

The man standing next to the bed froze mid-step. The familiar blonde head turned. Seeing his younger son, Dusty braced one hand on the bureau by the bed. He gestured to the armchair by the window. "Just going to sit in my chair and make a few phone calls."

"Dad," Cody groaned. Dumping his things on the bed, he rounded to stand before his father. "You just got home from the hospital two days ago. The doctor said to let your body heal."

"If my damned body breaks down from me walking across the room, I don't want it." Dusty shook off Cody's attempt to guide him back to the bed. "That jerk told me to walk daily, so I am. I'm going to walk to my chair and when I'm tired of sitting over there I'm going to walk back to my bed."

Cody knew there was no need to argue. If his father wanted to, he would move a mountain. Standing next to him, he held out his arm for support. It took the older man a moment but finally he grabbed hold. The progress was slow with many breaks between steps. Cody fretted over the shallow, pained breaths, the painstakingly slow steps. When his father eased his body into the waiting armchair he released the breath he'd been holding.

"Now tell me why you're here and not at work."

Cody chuckled at the question, dropping into the chair across from his father's. The one is mother liked to curl up in with a good book occasionally. His fingers plucked at the loose thread on the upholstery. "I screwed up, Dad. Don't start worrying, it's not with the company."

"What'd you do, boy?" Dusty asked with a sigh. He was poking around on the small table next to his chair. Reading glasses perched on his nose, he muttered to himself. With a grunt of defeat he removed the glasses and tossed them aside. "Damned if she didn't take the phone outta here."

"If you need to call someone she'll bring the phone to you. She just doesn't want you to be disturbed. You know how Mom is."

Their eyes met. Dusty gave a half-hearted chuckle. "Yeah, I sure do." He slowly drew in a deep breath. "Now tell me how you screwed up."

Cody shook his head. "I don't want you getting stressed. I'll talk it over with Mom. I need a woman's input."

His father rested his hands over his chest and eyed him for a moment. There was a question in the eyes he knew so well. A deep sigh filled the room. "What did you do to my little honey child?"

"Dad..."

"I know that look, boy."

Cody cringed. He could become President and his father would always call him 'boy.' He decided to attempt innocence. "What look?"

"You always get that look when you know you've been caught. Now tell me."

He sighed, settling back in the chair. Where to begin? _At the beginning_. It took him a moment but slowly the story came out. The first occurrence of sneaking around, the relief when she hadn't learned. The longing to keep things right with her. Falling for temptation time and time again. Throughout it all his father remained silent, and when he got to the afternoon he'd learned her secret, he heard a mumble. Diverted, he looked up. "What?"

"I thought... Never mind. Go on."

Knowing the man would never divulge what he'd thought, Cody continued. The fight. The fallout. The way she had rushed to his side after hearing about the heart attack. "I know she didn't come to be with me," he sighed. "But it felt so right, having her with me. Having her to hold onto while..." _While I thought you were going to die._ "But she left again."

"She had to get back on the tour," Dusty reminded gently.

"I know, Dad. I know. I've lost her. I lost her before he came along, didn't I?"

"Maybe. But you only have yourself to blame."

So much for reassurance and understanding. "I have to get her back. I love her."

"You love her so much you slept around how many times?"

Cody winced. "That's not the point."

"It is. How is she supposed to trust you, now she knows you've sampled every woman that gave you an offer?"

"I didn't sleep with every woman—" Cody cut off with a groan, reaching to pinch the bridge of his nose. A headache was forming.

"Let me ask you this." Dusty braced his hands on the arms of his chair, slowly but surely sitting up a little straighter. "When the shit hit the fan, did you keep sleeping with your latest piece on the side?"

"I called it off right before I asked Joanna to marry me. She wasn't happy. Almost caught me in the head with a coffee mug. But I wanted a fresh start with—"

"With the woman that had already fallen in love with another man."

"She's not in love with him," Cody snorted. "We've been together for four years. How can she throw all that away for him?"

"I guess the same way you threw it all away so you could play hide-and-seek with your dick. You were supposed to get that shit out of your system before settling down."

"I didn't—I wasn't—Can you help me or not?" Cody asked with a slight whine in his voice.

"Help you with what?"

"Wining her back."

"Why do you want her back so bad?" Dusty looked at him, his expression one that Cody had seen countless times. "Do you want her back because you miss her? Because you love her and can't see yourself with anyone else?" He held up a hand before his son could answer. "Or is it because you want to know you can win her back? Is that male pride kicking in, son?"

It was, though he knew he could never admit it to his father. But the loving and the missing was there, too. "I love her, Dad. I'm miserable without her," he whispered.

"Help me up, I need to take a piss."

Cody chuckled at the unexpected request, easily getting to his feet. "So you'll help me?" he asked when they were on their way to the bathroom.

"Ain't no help for you. If you had a brain you'd know what to do. Remember what used to make her smile? Not recently, back when you two first started. The little things. Flowers or a box of candy. Something small."

Cody nodded, already formulating a plan. "Thanks, Dad."

"Yeah, I love you too. Now turn around so I can piss in private."

* * *

Joanna burst into laughter, grateful she was alone when the sudden exclamation ended with a snort. She pressed a hand to her mouth as the person on the phone began to laugh as well. It only made her laugh harder, clutching her stomach as her side began to ache "Stop," she gasped, flopping back on the unmade bed. "God, Nikki, stop!"

The other woman laughed again. "I'm not sorry," she informed, and across the miles Joanna could see the smug grin. "I've always wondered."

"He doesn't glow in the dark," Joanna promised, giggling when Nikki sighed.

"Are you sure? I mean you've said you're a fan of getting it from behind, so you wouldn't – I'll stop!"

"God, I miss you," Joanna groaned when her laughter subsided. She pulled her phone from her ear and saw they'd been talking well over an hour. They rarely had a chance to speak, thanks to differing schedules. Other than a few text messages here and there, they relied on email to keep in touch. The last time they'd seen each other had been right before Christmas, when Nikki had surprised her by flying in for a show.

"I miss you too. We need to get together. Email me your schedule, maybe I can take a day or two off." Nikki's work as a communications officer with Chicago Police Department barely gave her time off to adjust between changing from daylight shift to night shift. Budget cuts led to a hiring freeze, which led to overtime and having to come in on scheduled days off. But Nikki loved the work. The pay was decent, the benefits good, and having her online college courses paid for by the city was an extra perk.

Joanna leaned to retrieve her laptop and rose to get a glass of ice while she waited for it to start. "Starting Friday I'm going to have just over a week off since I'm moving over to _Raw_. I asked for the time so I can go home and clear my stuff out of the house. Find an apartment... Why can't you live in Florida so we can be roommates again?"

"Because I love my cold winters. When Florida has regular snow, we'll talk. Have you even started looking for a place?"

"No," Joanna grunted as she returned to the bed. "I'm never home anyway. I'm tempted to just put everything in storage."

"Don't you dare. I'll cut you."

"I love you too." Joanna brought up her email and sent off her known schedule for the next few weeks. Then, remembering Nikki's request of recent pictures, she started another. "Sent."

"Give me a minute. Has the Glo-Worm offered to let you move in with him?"

Joanna sighed. "No. We're not ready for that step. And stop calling Stephen that."

"Okay, explain this to me, because you practically live together as it is."

Joanna settled back against the pillows. "I went through that with Cody, remember? I'm not going to make the same mistakes with Stephen. Yes, we travel together. We share a hotel room. We're together a lot. But it's completely different when you're off and on top of each other. I never felt at home in that house. Even though he bought it like two weeks before I moved in, it was always his house. I was just a visitor."

"So you don't think it would be different with Stephen? This is a totally different relationship. What you two have is nothing like you and Cody."

Trust Nikki to see that. Even though she hadn't seen them together, her instinct was always strong. How many times had she turned up her nose over Cody? How many times had Joanna shrugged off her indifference to the man?

"Just look at these pictures you sent. That's the smile that's been missing the past few years. And I have a long weekend next week while you're off, so I'll come help you hunt for an apartment. I may even strain myself and carry a box or two inside for you. As long as you promise to introduce me to your Great White."

"I really appreciate this, Nikki," Joanna murmured. "And you're going to embarrass the hell out of me, aren't you?"

"Of course. It's my right as your best friend. I'm already filling up a flash drive with old pictures."

"Do not bring the—"

"Spring Break in Cancun? Oh yes."

"I was drunk," Joanna muttered.

"'S'cuse me, mister? I've lost my panties. Can I borrow your pants?'" Nikki quoted, doing a fair impression of Joanna's voice.

"Fuck," Joanna groaned. "You know what, forget it. I'll find a place and move in on my own."

"Can I at least bring the wet t-shirt contest pictures?" Nikki sighed.

"Again, I was drunk."

"I think that's obvious from the bottle of tequila in your hand. Yes or no?"

"One wet t-shirt picture. No Cancun pictures. And do not bring up any of my high school failures."

"Dammit."

Joanna laughed, glancing up when she heard a knock at the door. "Email me your flight info. I'll be sure and stand in Arrivals with a 'Loose Women' sign to find you."

"Deal. Reserving my flight now. Now, tell me what's new with the Barrett Barrage."

Joanna laughed again. Her friend, a wrestling fan from her infancy, was hopelessly enamored with Wade Barrett. The few times she had gotten to meet him she'd been nearly speechless. As she filled her friend in on what she knew about him, she opened the door and halted when she saw an elaborate arrangement of purple hyacinths held by a hotel employee.

"Miss Chambers?" he verified. When she nodded, he handed over the heavy vase. Without another word, he turned and headed down the hall.

"Hang on," she told Nikki. She dropped the phone on the dresser and placed the vase down, turning it to view the arrangement from all sides. The sweet fragrance filled her nostrils and she inhaled deeply. Deep purple blooms contrasted against bright green stalks, tucked in the lead crystal vase. She brushed her fingers over a delicate cluster of petals, noting the matching ribbon tied around the neck of the vase. "Oh," she breathed in awe. She spied the cream-colored card tucked in the ribbon and plucked it out. Her name was an elaborate script on the front and she smiled. Opening it, she felt her smile fade as she read the words.

_Remember when Dad sent you a bunch of these on your birthday? Remember the good times. - Cody_

"Oh." She grabbed the phone.

"'Oh' what?" Nikki demanded. "What did you get?"

"Flowers," Joanna answered, continuing to stare at the card.

"From who?"

"Cody."

"Ouch. Let me guess: roses?"

"No, hyacinths." Placing the card face-down next to the vase, she took a step back. "It's not a romantic gesture, Nikki. The card is about his dad. He's thanking me for being there. That's all."

"Uh-huh. If you're sure."

"He wouldn't do anything that would cause trouble with me and Stephen. He said so," Joanna insisted, finally turning away from the aromatic flora. The scent followed her, haunting her. Reminding her of how things had once been.

_Remember the good times._

Pushing the flowers and card from her mind, she settled on the bed to continue her chat with Nikki.

* * *

Stephen eased his heavy bag to the floor while entering the room, careful to make as little noise as possible. It was late; later than he'd thought he would be getting back to the hotel. He nudged the door shut, breathing a sigh of relief when he heard the shower running. Grateful he wasn't in danger of waking her up, he made sure the lock was in place before pushing his bag further into the room. From the bathroom came the sound of her gentle humming and he smiled, his thoughts drifting to joining her. After all, soon he wouldn't be able to enjoy the luxury of having her with him every night.

He moved to empty his pockets on the dresser and was surprised to see the arrangement of flowers. He smiled, pleased at the added cheer to the otherwise bland room. She hadn't mentioned going out when they'd talked earlier. Giving them a cursory sniff, he nodded in approval, making a mental note to get something for her. Something nice, a token of his affection. Now that they were officially together, he could do the things he'd wanted to do for months. Have flowers delivered, buy her the items she lingered over in boutiques.

His mind brimmed with possibilities as he reached to off his shirt. Diverted, though, he instead plucked up the card next to the vase. Flipping it over, he raised an eyebrow at the sight of her name. It felt heavy in his hand and he knew he should leave it be. He knew that if he opened it he would regret the decision.

His fingers thought otherwise, for the card was flipped open almost immediately. He scanned the words. Once, twice, and a third time just to be sure he had them right. A muttered curse fell from his lips as he stared at the small heart just above Cody's name. He recognized it, had seen it enough on notes left lying around during the past year to know it was how the man signed anything to Joanna.

His pulse thrummed in his ears. The good times. Remember what good times? From what she'd told him, there had been so few over the time of their relationship that she could probably count them on one hand. Scoffing, he recognized the twisting of his heart was caused by jealousy. He hated the emotion, nearly as much as he hated the hold Cody would always have over her. No matter what he did, what he said, their history would be there forever. Whether or not it loomed overhead was probably up to him, but at the moment it was a heavy cloud that zapped all the goodness out of his body.

"Hey you."

Her voice, soft and tender and sweet, cut through the fog. It did little to soothe the resentful monster that raged inside him. He turned, not seeing the small towel clutched to her curvy body. Instead, images of her with Cody flashed in his mind. Already seared to his brain after so many months of torture, they reappeared, taunting him. Struggling to control his breathing, he balled his hand into a fist, the crumpling of the card sounding like the snap of a limb in the silent room.

"What's the meaning of this?" he asked, his tone rougher than necessary.

"What?" she returned, voice laced with confusion.

He took a slow, controlled breath. It wouldn't do to take his anger out on her. Still clutching the card in his fist, he motioned to the flowers. The cheeriness mocked him, reminding him all over again that the history she had with Cody would always be there. The sensible part of his brain told him that was acceptable. After all, he'd been her first. Her first lover. Her first serious relationship. The first man to do all the things men did when they were in love. And what was he? Originally a usurper, now struggling to stay afloat. "He's going to hover over us forever, isn't he?"

"Ste—"

"And he's always going to be watching. Trying to come up with a way to win yeh back."

"So I'm just some trophy that's going to be passed back and forth?" Irritation showed on her face when he looked to her. She crossed the room and snatched a t-shirt and sweatpants from the suitcase on the bed. Her eyes flashed as she pulled them on. She balled up the towel and tossed it towards the bathroom. "Are you going to have a match at the next pay-per-view? Winner gets the woman?"

"Ah never said—" He cut off to calm his rising anger. Forcing his fingers to uncurl, he heard the whisper of the card against the floor when it fell.

"I left him, Stephen. For you. I'm not going back to him. I'm not going back to a daily diet of bologna and cheese after feasting on filet mignon."

"Ah thought we weren't about the sex," he muttered. "Are we?"

"Of course we're not. Everything doesn't mean sex." She raked her fingers through her damp hair. "What brought this on? The flowers? He didn't send them as a way to get me back in his arms. For fuck's sake, Stephen, people send flowers for other reasons."

"Such as?" he challenged. "_'Remember the good times,'_ Joanna."

"They're his way of thanking me for being there," she stressed.

"He could've sent a card."

"Are you going to get pissy about me going? Because I'm prepared to remind you that you were the one who insisted I go."

He looked at her, saw the hands on her hips. The challenging look on her face warned him to tread carefully. But his mouth was already open. "Ah told yeh to go for yehself. Not for him. Ah didn't tell yeh to go down there and forget yeh told me yeh loved me."

"Are you fucking kidding me? What happened to 'I understand why that happened?' Well?" she demanded when he didn't answer immediately.

"Just because Ah understand doesn't mean Ah like it. And Ah sure as hell didn't like being told about it in a fucking text message."

"Because I'm sure you'd have taken it so much better if I'd waited until I got back," she snorted. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you at all."

"Like yeh didn't tell him about us?" The question was out of his mouth before he could censor it.

"Oh, did you want me to? I was under the impression you didn't want me to tell him either. Maybe I should have. He may have been more understanding than you are right now."

Her words were like a knife in his gut, twisting beneath the shell of anger he'd stayed behind. "Sure he would've. And yeh'd still be with him. Yeh want that?"

She bristled, the hands on her hips falling to her sides. Her chest rose and fell with each harsh breath. "Right now, yes. Because he sure as hell never acts like this. When he gets pissed for no reason—"

"Then why don't yeh just go?" He motioned to the door. Not hearing her gasp, he reached for the vase. "And take these with yeh."

The sensible side of his brain long gone, he hurled it across the room. It wasn't aimed towards her but she ducked just the same, whirling around to watch it shatter against the far wall above the bed. Glass, water, and purple blooms exploded upon impact. And when she slowly turned to look at him, her eyes were cold.

The ensuing silence was palpable, broken by the intermittent dripping of water that rolled off the nightstand onto the soft cream carpeting. Stephen stared at the damage, a chill sweeping through him. One stem teetered on the edge of the nightstand before falling finally. It barely landed before Joanna released a pent-up breath.

"I think you should go," she whispered.

"Love—" he began, taking a step forward. Only to stop when those cold eyes bored into his. A frightening mixture of rage and fear stormed within the green orbs he thought he knew so well.

"Go."

"Ah'm—"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry!" she burst. A garbled scream erupted from her and he winced when her fingers curled around the chain at her neck. He heard the soft '_plink_' as it broke, watched the pendant arc through the air.

He caught it after it bounced off his chest. "Joanna," he whispered.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say right now." She turned her back to him, jerking one thumb at the door.

He wanted to ask where he was supposed to go. He wanted to ask if he would be allowed to come back anytime soon. He longed to fall to his knees, beg her forgiveness, and make things right. What he wanted most of all was to rewind to the moment he'd walked into the room. _Hindsight is 20/20_, he thought, dragging his hand down his face.

He would go. Give them both time to cool off. Time to think. "Ah'll go," he murmured. Carefully, he placed the pendant and broken chain on the dresser.

She didn't answer him, but the rigid hold of her shoulders spoke volumes. There was no guarantee she would be there when he returned.

So he turned. Each step that took him farther from her was torture. When he reached the door he hesitated, looking back just in time to see her brush her fingers over her eyes. He closed his own, praying for a sign that she wanted him to stay.

"Please go. Now," she ground out.

There went that idea. Straightening his shoulders, he wrenched the door open. He barely saw Wade on the other side as he stormed out of the room. He pulled the door a little harder than it needed, the slam echoing in his brain. When the pounding in his head stopped, he was aware of her fastening the lock from inside.

Wade's eyes were curious but sympathetic. Without a word, he nodded to the open door down the hallway. No words were needed. It was obvious he'd heard enough to know.

Just as Stephen knew the significance of the lock. Even once they cooled off, he may never be able to return.

* * *

The tears that blurred her vision were hastily blinked away. She refused to cry. How many tears had fallen in the past year because of him?

Joanna winced as she worked to mop up the water with towels. Not all the tears had been because of Stephen. Some had been because of and for herself. Gritting her teeth she leaned to wipe water from the wall above the bed. She knew she should have called downstairs to report the mess but did not want the questions. The suspicious looks.

_How did this happen, ma'am?_

_Oh, my boyfriend heaved a vase across the room because he's a jealous bastard. No big deal._

Nope. Better to do the cleanup herself. As best she could, anyway.

She avoided the glass as best she could, tiptoeing around the remnants of the crystal vase. She knelt next to the bed and plucked up scattered flowers. The clusters had fallen apart. Petals were everywhere. The aroma too, though it made her stomach twist now.

She leaned back on her heels, once again going over the words they'd said. Words she would take back in an instant. Words she had regretted as soon as they'd left her mouth.

Coming from the bathroom after retrieving the last towel, she spied the crushed remains of the card. Diverted, she picked it up. Her sole intent was to throw it in the trash with the rest of the garbage that had become her night. But her fingers smoothed the card, tracing her name. She read the words inside, head shaking from side to side.

She was such a fool. It was nothing but a crazy misunderstanding. Instead of leaping on the defensive wagon she should have calmly explained. And instead of kicking him out, she should have let him apologize. She should have apologized.

"Oh, Stephen," she whispered, leaning against the dresser for a moment. She had to find him. She had an inkling as to where he would be. Pushing away from the dresser she rushed to throw the card into the trashcan.

_I love you. Only you, you stubborn Irish bastard. What little I had with Cody doesn't even begin to compare with what we have. I could never go back to him. I burned that bridge over a year ago. It's you that I want. It's always been you._

She went over the heartfelt speech in her mind as she plucked the last of the blooms from the nightstand. Thoroughly distracted she swept her hand across the polished wood to send the last of the glass into the trashcan. A stinging pain began in her palm and she gasped, dropping the trashcan to the floor. Shuddering as she saw the first drops of blood gather she gingerly plucked the shard of glass from her skin.

A drop of crimson fell to land on the cream carpet and she felt sick to her stomach. As she always did when it came to her blood. She snatched up the last clean towel, pressing it tightly to the cut as her head swam.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, towel still pressed to her palm, when a knock sounded at the door. It was almost timid. Her heart flipped with hopefulness as she dropped the towel. She nearly tripped over her own feet, the words of her apology forefront in her mind. Certain it was Stephen she fought with the lock as tears gathered in her eyes. He'd returned. He would apologize and so would she. They'd be able to discuss this like rational, mature adults.

"Did you forget your key?" she asked as she flung open the door. She rushed forward, pressing her face to his chest as a pair of arms wrapped around her. "Please don't leave like that again," she whispered, arms circling his waist. In the craze of thoughts running through her mind it barely registered that he seemed thinner. She inhaled deeply, craving the calming scent of his cologne, and froze. Her heart, which had been fluttering somewhere above the roof of the hotel, now plummeted to the depths of hell. Backing away, she looked up finally.

The eyes looking at her were full of worry, confusion, and more than a little sympathy. The arms that had held her were now limp at his sides.

"Cody," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N: Long chapter is long! Hope you enjoyed. Shout out to Blackhat (why do I keep forgetting your real name?), Shannon, Jojo, Amber, wickedly-pure, charmedbyortonbarrett, Nikki, and katiefabe for the lovely reviews. All my love! Hope you don't hate me now...**

**Side note, one particular scene was the most grueling I have ever done. Amber can verify how much I stressed over that scene. Also, fun fact: this is the longest chapter I've ever written since I started writing wrestling fanfiction. :)**


	14. Thirteen

13.

Cody wet his lips as he took in Joanna's bedraggled appearance. He opened his mouth to say something but remained silent when he saw the tear trickle down her cheek. At a loss, he pushed his hands into his pockets before he was tempted to reach for her. She had nearly bowled him over when she'd opened the door. And when she'd pressed her face to his chest, had wrapped her arms around him... He took a deep breath and fought the urge to pull her into his arms again.

"Not the one you were hoping for, I guess," he murmured. Her sniffle was like a knife in the chest and he pushed his hands deeper into his pockets. "I just wanted... Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not," she whispered. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffled again.

His gaze moved behind her. He furrowed his brow in confusion when he saw the towels on the floor and nightstand. The scattered petals on the carpet. Light caught shards of glass on the comforter and he bit his lip. "Joanna..." he trailed warily.

"Did you need something?" she asked softly.

"I just wanted to see if you got the—"

"I did." She bunched the hem of her t-shirt in one hand, pressing it into the opposite palm.

"Yeah, I can tell. What happened?"

"I'd rather not get into this right now, Cody." She released the shirt and Cody felt a surge of worry when he saw the hint of blood on the cotton fabric.

"Did he hurt you?" he accused. Despite his assurance that he wouldn't, he reached for her.

"Did he—No, of course not. I cut my hand while cleaning up the mess." She pulled her hand from his grasp. "Look, Cody... Thank you for the flowers. They were beautiful. And yes, I remember when your dad sent me a bunch of them on my birthday."

"Joanna, something happened." He stepped through the doorway and gently brushed away another stray tear. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what."

* * *

"You're going to wear a hole in the carpet, mate," Stu observed. Leaning casually against the pillows at the head of the bed, he watched his friend pace back and forth, blocking his view of the TV. Not that he cared a bit about the insipid crime drama was on. He didn't care about the state of the carpet, either. When Stephen cast him a glare, he shrugged and slid off the bed. "Right. Tell me what happened."

With a long-suffering sigh, Stephen told him. Stu winced over some of the details as he dug the bottle of whiskey out of his suitcase. The hotel lacked decent glassware, but he made do with two plastic cups from the bathroom. When his friend had finished the tale, he handed over a double shot of whiskey and downed his own.

Stephen barely sipped his, then let it hang loosely in his hand. "Ah wanted to stay. To talk it over. And Ah would've but she made me leave. 'Ah don't want to hear anything yeh have to say right now.' That's what she told me."

"Well you did fling a vase at her," Stu pointed out.

The Irishman grunted as he tossed back the rest of his whiskey. "Ah didn't throw it at her. Ah just... Ah was pissed."

"Because her ex-boyfriend sent her flowers? Which could very well mean what she said." Stu held up one hand in defense. "Don't throw that temper at me."

"Ah fucked it all up. Everything. Ah lost my temper, and it scared her." He crumpled the empty cup and tossed it into the wastebasket. "Yeh should've seen her face. Ah've never seen her look like that. Like Ah..."

Stu sighed when the other man moved to stand at the window. "Go back and talk to her," he suggested. "You've both had time to cool down. And I know her well enough to know she's not going to come after you. She has a little too much pride to do that."

"And Ah don't?" Stephen raked a hand through his hair.

"You're the one who lost your temper, mate. You're the one at fault here." He tossed his empty cup into the wastebasket. "You said it yourself."

"She doesn't want to see me."

Stu groaned. "Standing there looking at the alley won't fix things. What happened to not giving her up? She was worth fighting for when she was his. Shouldn't she be worth it even more now that she's with you?"

* * *

It had taken some doing, but she'd finally gotten rid of Cody. He had refused to believe that nothing major had occurred. At a loss, she had given him a toned-down version of events before requesting that he leave. He'd hesitated, told her to call him if she needed anything, and had finally, at long last, left.

Now standing out in the hallway, she looked at the closed door of Stu's room. Anxiety clawed at her stomach but she refused to turn away. The niggling voice in the back of her mind refused to let her argue with it, reminding her that she was just as much at fault as Stephen. If not more so.

All she needed was the nerve to knock on the door.

It took her several moments. Twice she almost turned to go back to their room. To hide and wait. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand to knock.

The door opened before her fist made contact with the wood and she had to catch herself before sending it into Stephen's chest. Her breath hitched in her throat when he froze in the doorway, the look in his eyes causing a pang in her chest. She was vaguely aware of the droning of a TV.

They stepped forward at the same time, her face crashing against his chest. His arms wound around her, pulling her close, and she released the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Maybe they were moving too fast. Maybe she should have taken a step back after breaking things off with Cody. At the moment, she didn't know. The only thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't risk letting him slip away. Not when his arms felt so perfect around her. Not when, with just the whisper of her name, he eased the ache in her heart.

His fingers curled into her shirt. As though afraid she would pull away. The gesture only made her press closer to him. Raising her head, she brushed her lips over his chin. "Ah'm not leaving yeh again," he whispered. "Even if yeh tell me to. Yeh'll have to pick me up and throw me out, love."

She smiled through her tears as his lips found hers in a tender kiss. Her hands traveled up to rest on his shoulders, then further upward to frame his face. "I love you," she whispered when his lips moved to her cheek. "Only you. Cody... What I had with him—"

"It's not important right now, love," he murmured.

"It is," she insisted gently. "I want you to get this in your head and get it straight. What I had with Cody can never compare to what we have. And I need you to know that I could never go back to him. It's you I want, you stubborn Irish bastard. It's always been you."

"Ah'm sorry, Joanna," he whispered thickly. She realized he was near tears and nodded.

"I am too," she promised. She pressed her face to his neck, breathing in the scent of his cologne. Perfectly content to stay just as they were, she held onto him. Until a sardonic voice interrupted their moment.

"Well now. Touching as this is, would you two mind taking it elsewhere so I can get some rest?"

**A/N: Yes, I know, this is a short chapter. Probably the shortest I've written in a while. I've suffered from writer's block this past week and almost got to the point of putting this story aside until I could get some inspiration. But I stuck with it. A HUGE thank you to Malabrigo for her encouragement and open ear while I whined. Also a big thank you to Amber for always understanding what I want to say even when I can't find the words.**

**Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews! You're all so amazing. Love you!**


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